Not many people seem to understand that it’s called ‘basic decency’ to respect a new mom’s decision as to who can visit her post-delivery and how they must behave around her newborn.
An internet user asked, “Am I a jerk for having boundaries and not wanting people to visit after I give birth?”. Read on to know what exactly happened.
The Original Poster (20f) and her husband (22m) have been getting into a lot of fights. OP is currently 38 weeks pregnant and she has rules for when the baby comes. No kissing and no pictures of the baby posted online.
“I also wanted to not have visitors for the first two weeks, which was denied because ‘it’s not fair for everyone else’.”, says OP.
The Dispute Begins
OP’s husband had a talk with her MIL and FIL and a huge dispute happened. OP’s MIL was not happy with the no-kissing rule because she said, “She loves having babies on her chest and kissing them”.
OP’s Husband Tries
OP’s husband tried to enforce the rule but she was very upset. He came to OP and told her (OP) to allow her (MIL) to kiss the baby on the head and OP said no kissing a newborn because of diseases and germs.
What Did OP Say
“He told me I needed to make a compromise and give that up to make his mom happy. I don’t want to because people can’t simply understand that kissing a newborn is dangerous.”, says OP.
OP’s Husband Tried To Convince Her
OP’s husband tried doing a lot of math and statistics to show her it was not a big deal and how unlikely the baby was to get sick. He told OP she is being absurd and controlling, and since other people will follow her other rules, then she should allow his mom and grandma to kiss the baby.
“To which I said no still, and it’s not negotiable because they can all wait.”, says OP.
When It Became Too Much
OP exploded when her husband told her he invited his mom and grandma to come up two hours after the baby was born.
According to him, that is all OP needs to recover. OP, on the other hand, doesn’t want people there right away because she will be in pain, bleeding, and still dirty in a gown.
What Does OP Say
“Not to mention that there will be people coming in to look at my private parts often after giving birth. I feel like the hospital should be my safe space to recover and bond with the baby and that the decision to invite people when I am ready is up to me, not to him.”, says OP
What Happened Next
OP’s husband said it is his baby too, and it’s not all about her.
His mom is also very pushy and manipulative to the point where she tells him that she wouldn’t come to meet the baby if she could not kiss it. She has also made comments that attacked OP about her body size and the baby’s size.
What Does OP Say?
“She has also claimed the baby as ‘My baby’. She is notorious for not following rules and doing whatever she wants. So am I the jerk for not wanting people there right away and kissing my baby?”, asks OP.
Your Child’s Health Is Much More Important
“Not the jerk. I don’t know what statistics he’s cherry-picking, but pretty much every major medical outlet tells you not to let anyone kiss your child for 2-3 months. There are a multitude of reasons for this that all have to do with potential illnesses. Your child’s health is more important than their feelings. Repeat this to them over and over.”
This Is Your Choice And Yours Alone
“Not the jerk. You need to talk to the hospital and nurses about who can be in your room post-delivery. Tell the nurses that any family members are not to be let in! Most nurses will have your back on this because they understand what it’s like. This is your choice and your husband clearly doesn’t understand what it’s like to give birth. This is your choice and yours alone. Good luck!!”
Your Husband Needs To Stand Up
“Not the jerk. It’s basically RSV season, the common cold for most, but for babies, it can be life-threatening. Your husband needs to stand up for you and his child. Sorry, you are going through this. There is absolutely nothing wrong with the boundaries you set or your requests.”
Do Not Back Down
“Not the jerk and do not back down. It can be a really stressful time and even if it all goes smoothly, you’ll still be tired and want some alone time with your baby. Have you got any friends or family nearby who can be on guard at the hospital and during visits to back you up? If so, call them!”
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