Some people just don’t seem to be able to accept the fact that it’s completely normal for women to go through major bodily changes post-pregnancy!
A netizen recently asked, “Am I a jerk for getting up from my chair in the middle of Christmas dinner and shouting ‘SHUT THE HELL UP ABOUT MY BODY!’ in response to my husband’s observation?”. Here’s the full story for your context.
Backstory
So, ever since the Original Poster (OP) had her son months ago, her husband has started making indirect comments about her body. He never says any hurtful words but OP finds his “observations” (as he calls it) quite hurtful.
What Kind Of “Observations” Is OP Talking About?
For example, OP’s husband would see her wearing an old top and say “Oh that top used to look good on you but not anymore though…” or when he looks at her waist and says “Wow, didn’t know your waist could get this wide!”. Basically passive stuff that OP tried to ignore till it extended to friends and family.
“For your information, this went on for months and months and months!”, says OP.
The Christmas Outburst
OP and her husband went to a Christmas celebration at his family’s home. OP’s SIL complimented OP’s floral maxi dress and her husband said “I agree it looks nice on you…though I have to admit that your waist could get smaller than this!”. Awkward silence took over.
OP was absolutely fuming and this was her last straw. So she got up from her chair in the middle of dinner and shouted at the top of her lungs “SHUT THE HELL UP ABOUT MY BODY!!!!”.
Husband’s Reaction
OP’s husband was absolutely speechless as his family stared while some others tried to get OP to calm down but the situation got more tense and dinner ended up being cut short.
OP’s husband stormed off to his friend’s place to spend the night upon leaving a very nasty text saying OP embarrassed him and made a scene over an “observation” he made.
“He called me childish and told me to get therapy for my insecurities instead of verbally abusing him and scaring his family.”, says OP.
What Does OP Ask?
“Now I feel like an absolute idiot jerk and like I ruined Christmas for him and everybody with my over-sensitivity. Am I a jerk?”, asks OP.
Your Husband Sounds Extremely Manipulative
“Not the jerk – Your husband is the one making you feel insecure. He sounds extremely manipulative. There is also no way his family was ‘scared’ of you.
You should see a counselor, not for the reasons he suggested, but because you are in an unhappy and unhealthy relationship and you need to get some support.
If you want to stay married, then you should also seek out marriage counseling because this dynamic with your husband is not ok.”
That’s Called BODY SHAMING!
“Not the jerk. Your husband’s ‘observations’ are straight-up body-shaming insults. I would be furious with him as he is intentionally hurting you by saying these things. You didn’t ruin dinner, he did. Your response was a knee-jerk reaction to an issue that’s been building to a boiling point for months.”
You Deserve Better
“Not the jerk. He is the one verbally abusing you. You used your body to give him a child and in response, he belittles and demeans you. This is a sorry excuse for a man and partner and you deserve better.”
He Is Gaslighting You
“Hunny, you’re in a verbally abusive relationship. He is gaslighting you…you gave birth and the fact that he wants to humiliate you because of it it’s crazy to me…that’s not healthy at all!”
Your Response Was Apt!
“Hell no, that’s not an observation. That’s him trying to bully you. Not the jerk. I love your response because it caught him off guard and humiliated him as well, LOVE IT! Your body is supposed to grow with you over the years, it’s designed to change over time so never let anyone tell you different.”
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