He didn’t have any job to do at his sister-in-law’s wedding, so he didn’t see a reason to take a day off. But this upset his wife. Who do you think is correct? Let’s find out.
A user asked the forum, “Am I a jerk for not taking the whole day off for SIL’s wedding because she didn’t make me a part of it?”
BACKSTORY
![Funny cunning woman portrait on vivid color background.](https://mrsdaakustudio.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/05/cunning-woman-crazt.jpeg)
The original poster’s (OP) wife’s sister (SIL) is getting married on a Saturday this summer. He has a shaky relationship with SIL, as she “jokes” about him during family events.
HOW DID OP FEEL?
![Surprised young guy with funny face in yellow T-shirt, white isolated background. Shocked amazed face of young man with wide open mouth in yellow T-shirt on white background. Portrait of excited man](https://mrsdaakustudio.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/05/shocked-face.jpeg)
He says that humor is one thing, but these always tend to be negative jokes about his character. Because of this, OP has always thought she doesn’t like him.
WHAT DOES OP DO?
![Young boy with a surprised expression on white background](https://mrsdaakustudio.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/07/man-crazy-man.jpeg)
He was waiting for her to possibly ask him to play some role in the wedding since his wife is the maid of honor and their only son is the ring bearer.
The couple did not ask him to play a role in any way.
OP INQUIRED ABOUT THE TIME
![man angry scared scream](https://mrsdaakustudio.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/05/man-angry-scared-scream.jpg)
OP asked when he had to be at the wedding, and they told him noon.
WHAT’S OP’S PERSPECTIVE?
![](https://mrsdaakustudio.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/07/sad-man-1.jpg)
He worked a 12-hour shift on the wedding day, so he decided to just take 6 hours off so he could be there around noon, but he will still have to be up at 0400 the next day for work.
WHAT DID OP’S WIFE DO?
![shy woman mistake](https://mrsdaakustudio.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/05/shy-woman-mistake.jpg)
He found out from his wife that SIL and future BIL are extremely upset and have intentionally ignored him since they found out.
OP’S WIFE’S PERSPECTIVE
![The concept of family problems, difficulties, relationships, talks disgruntled husband and wife in a room on the sofa. They are directly in front of the camera in different poses.](https://mrsdaakustudio.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/05/woman-confusing-and-thinking.jpeg)
OP says that they told his wife they expected him to take the entire day off (OP works 12 hours every Friday, Saturday, and Sunday) because they thought of him as a brother and assumed he would just want to be there for the rehearsal, dinner, morning of the wedding, and wedding/reception.
WHAT DID OP FEEL?
![Young brazilian man isolated on white background nervous stretching hands to the front](https://mrsdaakustudio.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/05/man-saying-no.jpeg)
OP says that they are not asking him to play a role, especially with his wife and their son having roles, confirming that they don’t like him.
So, he felt no obligation to take the wedding morning off of which he has no part.
WHAT IS OP’S EXPLANATION?
![Omg wtf. Tired bored stressed young man covering face with palm. Bothered upset guy. Mistake job loss unemployment.](https://mrsdaakustudio.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/07/wtf-man-1-now.jpg)
He says that he works 12-hour shifts, and taking one day off really cuts into his available PTO, so this played a factor in his decision as well.
HE IS NOT UPSET
![caucasian guy with red hair showing emotion terrible noise. handsome redheaded men wearing in casual t-shirt. Portrait ginger young caucasian man on grey background](https://mrsdaakustudio.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/07/loud-deaf-dont-want-to-hear-man.jpeg)
He says that he is not upset about not having a role, and his decision was in no way retaliatory. He also added that it’s not his wedding, so he doesn’t make the calls, so it doesn’t bother him.
WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?
![rolling eyes woman](https://mrsdaakustudio.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/05/rolling-eyes-woman.jpg)
OP’s wife defended him and told SIL how they had always made him feel in conversations they had when all this came up, but he says that neither SIL nor future BIL has tried to talk to him.
OP’S SON
![Sad little child, boy, hugging his mother at home, isolated image, copy space. Family concept](https://mrsdaakustudio.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/05/upset-kid-with-mom.jpg)
He says that their son will be with his mother the morning of the wedding, and he was bringing their son to the wedding, getting him in his tux, etc.
He added that his decision did not leave his wife responsible for their son and maid of honor duties, that would be horrible.
OP’S CLARIFICATION
![sad cry man](https://mrsdaakustudio.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/06/sad-cry-man.jpeg)
OP clarifies that when he said he was “waiting” for a possible role, this was not him hoping for a role. He was waiting to hear a yes or no so he could schedule PTO accordingly.
He added that he does not feel entitled to a role in the wedding whatsoever, and any undertones in the post are most likely just difficulty conveying the story.
Now OP wants to know if this is wrong on his part.
THEY SHOULD NOT EXPECT YOU TO TAKE A DAY OFF
![Young hispanic man wearing casual clothes covering ears with fingers with annoyed expression for the noise of loud music. deaf concept.](https://mrsdaakustudio.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/06/shocked-annoyed-man.jpeg)
“I don’t think brothers-in-law typically play a part in the wedding unless they are super close with the couple and they should not expect you to be there the entire day without being in the wedding.”
YOU ALREADY ASKED THEM
![Sad and worried man sit at home couch feeling negative emotions, depression and problems. Upset excited young attractive bearded guy freaking out hold head with hands, on window background, close up.](https://mrsdaakustudio.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/07/sad-man.jpeg)
“Not a jerk. Because you asked what time to be there, and you planned to be there at that time.”
THEIR EXPECTATION IS NOT REASONABLE
![idea Young smiling guy with finger up, dressed in a blue t-shirt on a light background.](https://mrsdaakustudio.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/06/aha-man.jpeg)
“Not a jerk.
For they never ask you to attend the rehearsal and such but expect you to be there. Like, you actually asked them when to be there, and they told you noon on the wedding day, but they somehow expected you to come earlier for extra stuff without asking you?”
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