Not everyone has a good experience with dating. Because of all the bad experiences, some people have completely stopped dating.
A user asked the forum, “Men who have stopped dating, what made you stop dating people?” Here are the top responses.
I AM BROKE
“I’m just broken, I think. I haven’t talked to anyone since my last breakup in 2018. Lost all my confidence and motivation.”
LOTS OF TRAUMA AND INSECURITY
“I realized a lot of traumas and insecurities I had were driving me to seek out awful relationships, causing me to have an outlook on life that was bringing me the opposite of the kind of life I wanted and forcing me to hurt others. It’s been a long, challenging journey. But I’m getting there.”
GOT CHEATED
“We were planning the wedding, and after 9.5 years, she cheated on me with another guy and then got re-engaged with that guy after only knowing him for two weeks. Yeah, I’m done for now.”
DAUGHTER GOT CANCER
“Daughter got cancer. I thought my wife and I were working through it. My daughter was off treatment for a year, and my wife decided her depression made her not care for me anymore and shacked up with another guy while abandoning me and the daughter.
It broke my confidence and created a need to defend myself and my child. Don’t feel comfortable reaching that level of infancy with another person.”
IT’S EXHAUSTING
“Because it’s exhausting. I’m just much happier alone. Hell is being accountable to anyone at this point in my life.”
STOPPED TRYING
“I tried, probably too much. Friends told me to stop trying so hard, and love would find me. I stopped trying so hard; love hadn’t found me in over 15 years, Not even a date. I can’t find it in me to try anymore.
I now live in a tiny town 70 km from any urban area. Unless you grew up knowing people here, which I didn’t, everybody has already met everybody and chosen partners. I’ve given up. I’m nearly 40 now, and my dating chances are over.”
WORKING ON ADDICTION
“Last relationship broke me. That plus years of unresolved trauma and addiction that I’m busy working on now so I can move on, grow up, and finally have a successful, fulfilling relationship and life. Prayers welcome.”
UNRECIPROCATED EFFORT
“Too much unreciprocated effort. The dating world is completely lopsided. If I meet someone by chance, great. But I’m not playing a game that feels rigged in someone else’s favor.”
IT IS TEMPORARY
“It is peaceful, and most dating is just temporary.”
I WAS DATING OUT OF FEAR
“I realized I was dating out of fear. I always went on dates because I was scared to stop dating, to stop putting myself out there, and especially to become so reclusive that I’d die old and alone.
Dating was compounding the fear. Each failed date added to the fear of dying alone. But now that I’ve stopped dating, I’ve had a chance to see and break the pattern. Now I’m trying to find a partner without dating, and it’s been way more relaxing and enjoyable.”
I AM UGLY
“I’m ugly. It’s too much work.”
ADHD
“Too many hobbies, too many things to think about thanks to Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD); I simply can’t stop doing things long enough to seek out people unless ‘Miss Right’ is also at the taco shop. I’m good.”
MENTAL ILLNESS
“My therapist (I have 2 ) recently advised me to stop dating. They said there was a perfect chance that I would not find a partner due to many complications in my life. I am working hard to change some of the things I can.
But they want me to come to terms with the possibility of life alone, not having children, and to find peace and contentment in life. I just work on myself for the next extended period.
It is hard, as I’m 41. I couldn’t date in my early 30s due to addiction and untreated mental illness. I got sober and started medication. I didn’t date through my early sobriety. At age 37, I started a successful business and relapsed for a year.
Six months into sobriety again, I started dating. I got messed over by someone quite evil. Shut up shop again, made lots of money, and started dating again this year. I sold the business at the end of last year for a very considerable sum to destress and focus on myself and dating, as I couldn’t do that with business consuming every thought and minute of my time.
I found myself in a financial situation I never thought possible (in the last four years, my whole outlook on life changed due to the options I had created for myself). The white picket fence, three kids, and a golden retriever dream were (and theoretically are) in reach.
But even with the options I created, the health and fitness of sobriety, medication. My mental health is not in a good state. Business masked how I was. I was consumed and not taking care of myself mentally. The harder I work on myself, the more issues I uncover.
So yeah. Yay for a combination of mental health issues. I am lucky though that I am me, and I like me, and I can afford therapy and unlimited holidays and such to alleviate the symptoms.”
DON’T WANT A FAMILY
“My life goals don’t involve a family, so to deny that to most women just doesn’t seem fair. Now, if I could find someone not interested in having children, we would have a different story.”
EVERYONE IS BORING
“Everyone just seems to be vicious or boring or both. I keep to myself.”
I DON’T FEEL THE NEED FOR IT
“I don’t feel the need for it. I feel fine by myself and have good friends to spend time with. Plus, active dating almost always ends in chaos. I’m still in my early 20s, so things may change, but the thought of never finding someone doesn’t bother me because, thanks to my friends, I will never be lonely, and that’s all I need.”
FAMILY
“Realizing my family still controls my life.”
GOT CANCER
“I got cancer. My wife decided to leave me as she didn’t want to be my ‘caretaker’ and admitted she had multiple affairs. We split 50/50. She tried to get a court to split my 50% again. I loved and trusted her for 12 years. It was all a lie to use me. I won’t be used again.”
HIGH STANDARDS
“I started to develop standards, and I realized nobody had met them. My standards are not abnormally high; a woman who meets them is rare.”
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This article was originally published on Mrs. Daaku Studio.