A user asked the forum, Ladies, what is your “He is probably crazy” red flag? Here are the common responses.
LYING
“When he claims to have PTSD from Afghanistan, has nightmares so real he chokes you in his sleep, is violently racist towards anyone vaguely middle eastern looking, yet it turns out he never made it past week two of basic training.
I feel sorry for my sister-in-law.”
WEIRD BEHAVIORS
“Met a guy on an online dating website. Had a few phone calls with him, and things seemed good. Then he tells me he had a favorite pair of pants when he was in high school. He wore them every day until they became too ragged to wear. Then he started wearing them under his normal pants. Every day, still wearing them ten years later, under his pants………I nipped out of there.”
MAKING FUN OF OTHERS
“Making fun of and laughing at a very sweet, mentally retarded man who approached me at our cafe table to tell me he thought I was beautiful.
Yeah, there was no chance there was going to be a second date.”
COMPARING
“Comparing me to his mother constantly. Definitely going to be some weird neurosis down the road that nobody’s got time for.”
NOT INVITING THEM TO HIS HOUSE
“My friend is dating a guy (both in their 40s) who does not invite her over to his house, and she has never been in his car. He always goes to her house or meets him at the restaurant. They only get together once a week. He says that he is really busy. To me, this is a red flag (married or girlfriend).”
GAMBLING
“My girlfriend’s sister was dating a guy for about a month, and all of us thought he was a great guy. Until she let slip one evening that he had withdrawn $30,000 out of god knows where in the past four months to fuel his gambling habit. He is 18. And at university. She didn’t seem to think this was a red flag, though.”
NEVER WANTS YOU TO DRESS GOOD
“Every time you dress nicely to go out, he becomes really insecure and begs you not to go, calls you characterless or convinces himself that you’re going to cheat on him.”
NOT TAKING ANY RESPONSIBILITY
“Refusal to take responsibility for anything that has ever gone wrong in their life. This includes failed relationships, failed classes, financial mismanagement, car accidents, work issues, etc.
Admittedly things just happen – and some situations are out of our control. What is a red flag to me is a lifelong trend of this and no self-reflection.”
NOT LETTING YOU WEAR SHORTS
“When he wouldn’t let me wear shorts because “no one should able to see that but me.” Sadly, this didn’t actually strike me as crazy/positive until after the relationship ended.”
ALCOHOLIC
“Save yourself a lot of pain and heartache if he wakes up in the morning and starts drinking, then continues to drink all day, run far away, and don’t turn back. Living with an alcoholic is the worst nightmare that I wouldn’t wish upon my worst enemy.”
SEPARATE YOURSELF FROM FRIENDS AND FAMILY
“If he doesn’t trust anyone and tries to separate you from your close friends and family… He’s probably crazy.”
BLAMING OTHERS
“A huge red flag is a guy who never takes responsibility. If something happens to go wrong, he always plays the blame game, making it everyone else’s fault except his own.”
KILLING RABBIT
“First date. He’s driving. I’m in the passenger seat. Rabbit runs across the road. He aims for it. And misses it. And he is cursing himself out because he missed squishing the rabbit-like road rage-style cussing.
My spidey sense goes OFF. I tell him that I don’t like this. Probably too loudly.
He gives me the coldest lizard-eyed look and says: “Dumb animals don’t have feelings. Animals don’t feel pain.”
I say PULL OVER THE CAR!!! LET ME OUT NOW!!!
He pulled over but, at first, refused to let me leave. I inform him that that is the kind of that serial killers think as kids, animals definitely feel pain, and this date is OVER.
Eventually, he called me a psycho and let me out of the car. I happily walked the mile and a half home. It was daylight, and I knew the walk well. My mom always told me to watch out for guys who got off on hurting animals because they’re the kind of guys to beat up their own kids.
I just never thought I’d get the ultimate dealbreaker less than 20 minutes into the date like that.”
DRAMA
“I was still living with my parents at the time, broke up with this guy. Went to my night class at college and came home to find him on the couch crying to my mom about how I had broken his heart. The next week he tried to break into my car when I was leaving work.”
WON’T ACCEPT HIS FLAWS
“A guy who can’t admit to ever being wrong about anything, even little things.”
TAKING EVERYTHING PERSONALLY
“Takes everything personally. Say, for instance, he invites you somewhere last minute, and you decline because you’re busy. Rather than “Okay, no worries, rain check?” it’s “Why, what are you doing?” “You’re always too busy,” “You never want to see me,” and other such whiney nonsense. Occasionally it can be playful banter, but most of the time, it’s just annoying. Play it cool, guys.
So I’m getting a lot of replies along the lines of, ‘But if you’re always flaking, that’s frustrating”. I agree! But it was not my point. I’m talking about a guy I might be seeing regularly getting pouty or feigning offense if he invites me somewhere last minute and I already have plans. Him saying “you’re always too busy” is just hyperbole. Dudes, if a girl never makes any effort to see you, she’s just not that into you, sorry.”
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