When our efforts go unnoticed and unrewarded, we eventually become tired and disheartened.
A user took it to the forum, and asked “When did you stop putting effort into your relationship?”. Here are the top responses.
MENTALLY DRAINED OUT
“I never fully did but honestly I was drained out mentally so I had a few months where I just couldn’t find it within myself.
I have chronic depression and I was working a lot of hours while also getting my degree. Luckily she understood it and was fully supportive even though I’m sure it was hard for her.”, said one user.
SLOW HELLISH RETREAT
“There wasn’t a moment. It was a slow hellish retreat. I would try to do something nice for her, or just something I knew she would like.
She would look at it and start tearing into any detail she didn’t like. Eventually, I stopped trying to be nice. I still did things to try to keep the marriage going.
I cooked the food, washed the clothes, cleaned the dishes, and attended to the kids. Then she would walk into the master bathroom after I cleaned it and criticize anything she felt wasn’t done.
I moved to the hall bathroom and quit cleaning the master bathroom. She criticized how I washed clothes. I quit washing hers.
She criticized my cooking. I stopped cooking for her. The woman was living on cereal because she can’t cook. What was I supposed to do?”, said one user.
“It’s the nitpicking that did it for me too. I tried to improve communication and talk about what bothered me and find out what bothers her.
Turns out she was toxic so nothing would be right. So I left.”, said one user.
FINDING FLAWS IN EVERYTHING
“Because everything I did was wrong for her and I was tired of walking on eggshells around her. Still cannot believe how toxic she was.”, said one user.
“It gets really exhausting to be wrong no matter what you do.”, said another user.
“Only wants to see me once a week, 32F and I just taught her how to use a coffee pot a few weeks ago, and taught her how to use the oven yesterday.
Doesn’t drive and refuses to ever learn ‘So what if we ever have kids?’. ‘We can just Uber them everywhere!’.
Only been to her apartment one time I thought maybe she might be living with a guy or something. Why has she never invited me over? Basically, I had to force my way in with a lie ‘Please let me in I have to go to the bathroom’.
Turns out there was no boyfriend there, the place was just a horrible mess. The kitchen was a disaster, tons of clothes everywhere, and the bathroom was absolutely disgusting, I’d never seen anything like it.
The toilet seat was broken and the bowl was more yellow than white. Going to get back out on the dating scene soon”, said one user.
“I have a traumatic brain injury (TBI), and a common thing for people with TBIs is that loud/high-pitched sounds give us a migraine like no other. Well, my wife got a bird.
I told her my concerns about it beforehand, but she still got it and told me ‘If he’s ever too much we can get rid of him.’ On multiple occasions, I tried telling her that the bird and his screaming (he screamed, not chirped) was way too much for me.
She’d always guilt trip me into keeping him. So I stopped putting in the effort, realizing that she cared more about the bird than she did me. I mean, even if she didn’t care that much about me WHO PUTS SOMEONE THROUGH THAT?
I explained what it feels like to me. The bolt going into my head, the drill to drain the blood, the incision to remove the bolt, stapling my head shut, removing the staples, and sewing my head back shut all at the same time purely because of THAT BIRD!
So yeah, I stopped putting in the effort. And then she cheated on me. And blames everything on me, while she leaves me with a ton of debt in my name and tries to take everything from me. But I managed to keep my computer and switch at the very least.
She took pretty much everything else. Guys, be really careful if you get married. Like extremely careful. You can get screwed over even if she’s the one that makes all the mistakes. It’s messed up.”, said one user.
NOT MEETING THE EXPECTATIONS
“Embarrassing to admit, but I found myself not being able to meet the expectations. Therefore all feedback is perceived as nagging and complaining.”, said one user.
DISAGREEMENTS AND ARGUMENTS
“I stopped putting effort into my relationship for several reasons. Most importantly, we started to have a lot of disagreements and arguments that often left both of us feeling frustrated and unhappy.
We had different ideas about how our relationship should work and it became difficult for us to find common ground. Additionally, I felt that my partner was not respecting my wants and needs and was not communicating effectively with me.
Finally, I felt that the relationship had become one-sided and I was not able to get what I needed out of it.”, said one user.
JOKING ABOUT DEPRESSION
“When she started using my insecurities and struggles with depression as jokes. I tried to be mature and communicate how was crossing my boundaries.
Got told to “lighten up” and told me that she didn’t want to put in any more effort for us because I was so sad and gloomy (kinda hard not to when you’re reminded of it 24/7). Ended things after she told me to kill myself as a joke.”, said one user.
“Simple, she wasn’t reciprocating.”, said one user.
“I got tired of being the only one who puts any effort.”, said another user.
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This article was originally published on Mrs. Daaku Studio.