Encouraging and empowering daughters who are dating can help them avoid toxic relationships.
A user asked the forum, What advice would you give to your daughter dating men? Here are the common responses.
NOTICE THEIR BEHAVIOURS
“Pay attention to their behaviors, not their words.”
SELF-TALK
“I’ve told my daughter that she needs to speak to and treat herself as if she were talking to a friend instead of internal monologue. What would you tell your friend if X guy told her she needed to perform Y act to prove her love? It’s Jiminy Cricket without the Disney effect. She’s come back and told me that it’s helped in a couple of other situations, so I can only hope she applies it when she’s out on a date.”
ALWAYS CALL ME
“No matter what happens, call me, and I will pick you up. Zero questions were asked. If you need to escape, call me, and I will be there for you. No matter time of day, location, or person, I will be there.’
HOW HE TREATS OTHERS MATTERS
“If he is nice to you but a jerk to other people, that doesn’t make you special; it makes him a jerk.”
TAKE A LONG TIME
“A sociopath is willing to literally say anything to get what they want, and the only way to weed them out is to take a long time getting to know someone. If he responds with hostility to the slightest criticism, it’s not a good sign.”
INTEGRITY
“Totally—find a humble man who is willing to apologize and be selfless and choose the relationship over his own wants. Someone who will respect her autonomy but also encourage safety and run a tight ship.
Sum it all up: You have to look for displays of integrity; otherwise, it’s all talk.”
DON’T GIVE THEM A CHANCE TO REJECT YOU
“My dad would always tell me never to give a man the opportunity to reject you twice. He was right, I took someone back, and they rejected me twice… apparently, I have to learn everything the hard way.”
SET BOUNDARIES
“If they don’t respect small boundaries, they won’t respect big ones. If they push against small boundaries, they will push against big ones.”
“I would just tell her to set a boundary and see how he responds.”
STANDUP FOR YOURSELF
“I would just tell her to stand up for herself, never do anything she doesn’t want to, and to tell me if there’s anything she doesn’t understand or if anything bad happens. I wouldn’t expect to control her relationships because kids are crazy and do as they want. I would just make sure that she has a safety net.”
NEVE TOLERATE A NARCISSIST
“Never, ever tolerate any physical or mental abuse. Beware of the narcissist. Lastly, if you meet someone you like, be honest with him early on, don’t play games, and don’t go out because you’re bored.”
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