The worst kind of people are the ones who don’t bother to seek your consent before handing you over a responsibility and then act as if it was your job anyway!
A netizen recently asked, “Am I a jerk for not wanting to watch my brother’s kids on our family vacation?”. We need you to look into the matter!
The Original Poster (OP) is on vacation with her immediate family. She’s a 30-year-old female, and OP’s two brothers are in their late 30s. Both brothers are married and have kids (5 kids total ranging in age from 3-9 years old).
“My parents are also on the trip, and I am accompanied by my boyfriend of two years,” says OP.
THE ROMANTIC DINNER NIGHT
They’ve all been there for a week, and OP thinks it’s been really fun so far. They have a mix of days where they have activities planned and then a few free days. OP’s family has had a text thread going for months with all the trip planning, so they knew which days were activity versus free days.
“Me and my boyfriend planned a romantic dinner for one of the free nights at a nice restaurant on the island. We made a reservation months ago because it books up pretty fast.”, says OP.
WHEN OP WAS GETTING READY
OP was getting ready to go out, and one of her sisters-in-law (SIL) commented on her dressing up to stay in. OP was confused and asked her to clarify.
She said that she, OP’s brother, her other married brother, and his wife were doing a couples spa evening experience that they had booked a few days earlier, and they needed OP and her boyfriend to watch all of their kids.
“She said my brother was supposed to have asked me earlier that day. He forgot to.”, says OP.
OP TRIED TO EXPLAIN
When OP explained that she and her boyfriend already had plans, her SIL was unsympathetic. She said they already prepaid for the spa experience, and since they hadn’t paid for the dinner yet, it wouldn’t make sense for them to cancel their plans.
HERE’S WHAT OP FEELS
She never agreed to watch their kids. OP loves her nieces and nephews, but her family knows she is child-free and has been for years. It’s been a point of contention for a long time.
“I wouldn’t mind watching them if I had been given advance notice, but to have them slapped on me when I had plans with my boyfriend upset me.”, says OP.
OP’s SIL said she (OP) didn’t understand how much she (SIL) needed the time away from her kids because OP doesn’t have kids of her own. She said OP was being selfish and she could handle one night of “being a mom.”
“That’s not the point. I would’ve agreed if she had asked me months ago before my boyfriend and I planned dinner. I checked, and we wouldn’t be able to get another reservation before we leave.”, says OP.
OP’S PARENTS EVENTUALLY INTERVENED
Her parents walked in on them arguing, and eventually, they offered to watch the kids. They were supposed to go to a free concert on the beach together but decided to cancel so someone could stay with the kids. OP felt bad, but her mom insisted.
THE NEXT DAY
It’s the next day, and OP’s SIL won’t even look at her. OP is annoyed at her, too but they’re stuck here for a week, so she doesn’t know what to do.
“My mom thinks I should apologize, but I feel I’m the one owed the apology here. Am I a jerk?” asks OP.
YOUR SISTER-IN-LAW IS BEHAVING ENTITLED
“Not the jerk. Your sister-in-law is behaving entitledly, and she is also being incredibly nasty. Her kids, her choice. Not your problem. You were even being diplomatic about it. She can think what she wants; I’d let her wallow peacefully.”
THAT’S NOT YOUR JOB
“Not the jerk. My job is to secure childcare arrangements for my kids before I plan to go out. They didn’t. Not your job to deal with their lack of planning!”
THEY’RE NOT YOUR RESPONSIBILITY
“Not the jerk. It’s not your kids, so they’re not your responsibility. Simple as that. I don’t know that any of you owe the other one an apology. I feel like if someone is owed an apology, it’s probably mom that should have one from your sister-in-law.”
SHE OWES YOU AN APOLOGY
“You are not the jerk. Your SIL owes you an apology for assuming you would watch her kids. She decided to have the kids, so it’s her and your brother’s responsibility. They were stupid to book something first without sorting out what was happening with their kids.”
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This article was originally published on Mrs Daaku Studio.