A user asked, Am I wrong for sending my brother a list of every item of ours that my nephew ruined?


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For context, the Original Poster (OP) (25F) has a niece (Bella – 7F) and a nephew (Michael – 10M). They’re OP’s brother Alex’s kids.  OP says, “I love them both, but I have a much closer relationship with Bella.”

How Is Michael

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Michael is a good kid, but he is a ticking time bomb. He is absolutely uncontrollable.

OP says, “I’m his aunt, and I love him, but I really can’t have him around for long. The last time he was in our house, he poured my nail polish collection onto my wife’s favorite silk Persian carpet. And that isn’t even 1% of the damage he has done.”

They Bough A Villa 

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OP’s wife (27F) and OP recently bought a villa out of town. It has a game room, pool, and many things Bella adores. So they offered to tour the place and let her check out the rose garden there if Alex and his wife agreed.

Alex said either both Michael and Bella were to be included or none of them were going. OP’s wife and OP both insisted on only taking Bella, but he was not having it, so they said we would just go by ourselves.

Alex Got Angry

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Alex got really mad and said it was disgusting that they favored Bella because she was a girl and that we were both hypocritical and unfair to Michael and never included him in their plans.

What Does OP Say

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OP says, “I told my brother that Michael was an uncontrollable kid. He dared to ask what Michael had done. I told him I’d let him know (I’ve told him the items over the years as it happened, but he always said it was an accident and that Michael’s a boy and boys play rough). I made a table including every item my nephew damaged in our house and the estimated cost.”

It included a few of OP’s wife’s antique vases, glass statue of the Eiffel Tower, a carpet, several of OP’s wife’s crystal decorative items, and two phones (he flushed them down the toilet). Even the mirror of OP’s car. I sent the list to Alex.”

What Did Alex Do

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He is now extremely angry with OP and thinks OP is being an arrogant person and taking after her wife’s trait of being an uptight rich kid. OP asks; “I am not talking to him at the moment. Was what I did in the jerk territory?”

Not a Jerk

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“Not a jerk. He asked, not your fault he doesn’t like the answer”.

Send Him More Bills

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“Not a jerk,  start sending him bills every time something is damaged.”

Total It Up

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“Not a jerk, and I hope you had an $ invoice total at the bottom. And the amount of bond he could put up for you to feel comfortable allowing Michael into your home again.”

10 Year Old Is Old Enough

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“Not a jerk, he asked and the kid is 10 he knows better and does it anyway I would not want to bring him to a villa I just bought either”

This is Too Much

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‘Not wrong. I’m reminded of the King of the Hill episode where a new neighbor boy is a menace and Bobby plays that same game on the neighbors, js

I don’t think it’s unreasonable to expect a ten year old to have basic manners, like not pouring nail polish that isn’t his on a carpet that isn’t his. That’s not boys will be boys behavior

Boys will be boys behavior is when a young boy has a hard time sitting still and paying attention because he wants to be outside.

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