As doctors, you hear a lot of stories from your patients. Some are true but some aren’t.
Someone asked, Surgeons/Doctors, what’s the dumbest thing patients have lied about? Here are some hilarious incidents
1. Denying Physical History
“Guy comes in, between 17-19 years old, for “pebble hits p*nis.” Pretty odd.
He says he was doing yard work when the tool knocked a Pebble into his thing, he went to check it, and now it was making pus. The nurse clarified that he was wearing pants. Denies any physical history. He stands by that he got hit by a rock through his pants, which made him produce pus. He had chlamydia.”
2. Refusing To Accept They Have Diabetes
“Do you have any medical problems?”
“No”
“So no diabetes?”
“No diabetes”
“What medications are you taking?”
“Metformin. For my diabetes.”
“I facepalm every time.”
3. Pretending They Don’t Know
“All. The. Time.
“Sir, do you have any heart trouble?”
“No.”
“What medications do you take?”
/lists three different cardiac meds
“So…. you DO have heart trouble.”
/looks at us like we’re dumb. “Uh, no. I take meds for it!”
4. Lying About How the Accident Happened
“Guy came in for a wound on his lower leg that he said came from a biking accident. An X-ray revealed a bullet inside his ankle joint. The wound was from shooting himself by accident while holding a gun. Still don’t know how he didn’t fracture anything.”
5. Lying About What Was NOT Asked To Do
“Part of my job is dealing with medical records- my favorite part is when you are reading the doctor’s notes, and you can tell they are fed up with the patient’s BS from their tone.“The patient was in for a routine colonoscopy and asked if solids were consumed 24 hrs prior; the patient confirmed no. In the procedure, several dozen kernels of corn are discovered in the colon and cannot continue. The patient was instructed not to consume corn beforehand as this happened before the visit.”
6. Denying Alcohol or Any Other Bad Habit
“Patient: “I haven’t drunk alcohol in months!”
Patient’s family: “I’ve been with her the whole time.”
Me: “Ma’am, your alcohol level is 325.”
Patient: “Impossible! I would never lie to you!”
“Do you smoke cigarettes?”
“No, I quit!”
“When did you quit?”
“This morning”
7. Identity Theft
“Their identity. Insurance fraud using a friend’s/relative’s insurance card. As a resident in a huge east coast hospital, I was tasked with figuring out when the blood bank called and said their blood type had changed. When confronted with getting the wrong blood that may kill them, they almost always tell the truth. This type of fraud has also resulted in people who have been dead (and autopsied) rising from the dead and “appearing” in a clinic or ER.”
8. Story Telling That Is Unbelievable
“How did you get that stab wound in your abdomen? I put a knife on the kitchen counter and forgot it was there. Then I walked into it.”
9. Lying Until Scared
“Me – Have you had anything to eat or drink today before your surgery? Patient- No (…with a half-eaten candy bar in front of them). Me – Are you sure? Because if you have, you could vomit upon going to sleep, and it could enter your lungs, causing you to die. Patient – yes, I have; I had half that candy bar.”
10. Making Things Up For “Fun”
“This guy repeatedly came in saying he hadn’t taken a dump in 7 days. This would usually necessitate a rectal examination with a finger. That’s why he kept saying it. The patient used to come in every time the new doctors rotated in, who wouldn’t be wise to his tricks.”
11. Medical Hazards At Home
“Had a patient come into the ER with a towel over his groin, covered in blood. Claimed he was cutting vegetables in his kitchen, and the knife slipped. Dad takes a look, and the guy is butchered down there. Had to call a urologist in the middle of the night to consult.
Guy eventually confesses to trying to give himself a circumcision because he didn’t want to pay the $200 it would have cost. The urologist was able to help save… ‘him’, but it cost a helluva lot more than $200 for emergency surgery.”
12. Lying About Giving Birth
“First baby, never pregnant before. For new OB appointments, we collect everything and do the exam. I put a speculum in, and I see her cervix. After her partner left the room, I asked her again, and she said she didn’t want her new partner to know that she was a single mom.
Not dumb, but just very obvious on an exam that she has given birth before. I left a note on her chart to NOT mention prior pregnancy in front of her new partner.
Another- on my gen surgery rotation as a medical student, removing objects from rectums due to unfortunate “falls.”
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