Father’s Day is a day to celebrate all the fathers in our lives, whether they are biological fathers, stepfathers, foster fathers, or grandfathers. It is a day to show our appreciation for their love, support, and guidance.
A netizen recently asked, Am I a jerk for expecting my wife to prioritize me for Father’s Day instead of going to a funeral? We need to know your take on the matter.
Backstory
OP and his wife have two children, a 4-year-old and a 6-year-old. Their 6-year-old is on the autism spectrum. It goes without saying that this is a very stressful position and neither of them gets very much of a break from this.
OP’s wife is a SAHM, and he has a full-time job.
OP’s And His Wife’s Usual Breaks From Looking After The Kids
As happy as their children make them, OP doesn’t think it’s selfish for them to both desire breaks. They get them every here and there, but they made a deal to have 2 guaranteed breaks in a year. Their birthdays, and Mothers/Father’s Day.
What Did OP Say
OP says, “Of course, we get other breaks. I am not locking my wife in the house aside from two days a year. These holidays and birthdays are supposed to be guaranteed off. Other random weekends that one of us decides to take on the brunt of child care just happens randomly.”
OP’s Efforts Up Until Now
On those days, one parent takes on the brunt of the burden so the other can get a day to relax. Since their youngest was about 2, they practised this. OP has never failed to give his wife the day off she deserves. He’ll schedule her a spa day, or something she really wants to do and get her out of the house so she can relax while OP is on daddy duty.
What Does OP Say
OP says, “Then when she gets back, our kids give her cards and gifts, and we get a meal from her favorite place after they go to bed. My wife has been less consistent and doesn’t really do as much as I do for her. Last year she didn’t really do anything.”
OP typically tries not to hold it against her as it is undoubtedly hard, but it does feel kind of unfair to him.
What Happened This Father’s Day?
This Father’s Day, OP planned something for himself as she made no indication of doing something for him. OP warned her a week in advance and she said it was okay.
This was until about 3 days ago.
OP’s Wife’s Old Boss’s Dad Passed Away
OP’s wife’s old boss’s dad passed away. She was invited to the funeral by the boss and she chose to attend the funeral which was about 2 hours away.
As a result, OP had to cancel all of his plans and take care of the kids. She was supposed to be home at around 5 in the evening but didn’t arrive until around 10. The kids were already asleep and OP’s wife neglected to help them get even Father’s Day cards for him
The Argument Followed
They got into a huge argument when she got back. OP told her that he felt like she really dropped the ball on this and didn’t give him a break like he usually does for her.
She told OP that she’s home with the kids all day just about every day and OP only has to help out after work and as far as she’s concerned, OP regularly gets a break and she doesn’t. OP told her work isn’t a break and that he really was looking forward to it today.
Their Final Stance, Individually
OP’s wife said that someone died and he was being completely selfish to make it about him.
OP says, “I said that it was someone she didn’t know who was the parent of someone she hasn’t seen in over a year and I didn’t think I was being selfish in asking her to prioritize my needs just as a gesture like I do hers. She’s been frustrated since and we are not talking. Am I a jerk?”
Tell Your Wife You Would Like A Re-Do
“I’m going against the grain here — Not the jerk.
Your wife could have easily gone to the funeral & come home at 5. Perhaps, brought dinner, did baths & bed while you relaxed. She also absolutely should have helped the kids make/do something special for you.
“Old boss’s Dad” — in my funeral book does not really justify leaving the family for an entire day, driving 4 hours & ignoring Father’s Day. The funeral was just an excuse to get out of the house. You may have bigger issues than missing Father’s Day.
Tell your wife you would like a re-do. Pick another Sunday for Father’s Day. Maybe she will actually help the kids do something fun for you.”
There Was No Reason To Be Gone All Day
“Not the jerk. She went to a funeral for the father of an old boss she hasn’t seen in a year and didn’t get back until 10:00. There is no reason to be gone all day for a funeral for someone you didn’t know. I can see maybe making an appearance if she was close to her boss or other coworkers, but staying until 10:00 is suspect.”
Maybe Your Wife Needs More ‘Adult Time’?
“This is screaming to me that your wife wants ‘adult time’. You get to converse with your colleagues every day; she doesn’t. She has you to socialize with and … is that it? Does she go out with friends? Without the kids?
To me, this seems like she jumped at the chance to socialize with people she knew and could have adult conversations with.
Seriously think about it and ask her if she’s really happy being a SAHM. She may miss working and the social aspect that comes with it. I think this is an “Everyone’s in the wrong” situation. But really you both need to communicate better.”
You Can’t Support Her One Day?
“You’re the jerk. I’m guessing your wife doesn’t get out much and is trying to keep professional ties alive by attending the funeral and gathering afterwards. This isn’t something she planned to specifically screw you over. Her being a SAHM is constant support for your career. You can’t support her one day at this last-minute time of need and reschedule your plans?”
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This article originally appeared on Mrs. Daaku Studio.