Meeting new people can be both exciting and intimidating. It’s important to be aware of red flags, or signs that someone may not be who they seem or may not be a good person to be around, so that you can avoid wasting your time and energy.
A user asked the forum, What’s the biggest red flag when meeting new people? Here are the common responses.
SPEAKING ABOUT HAVING LOTS OF PEOPLE
“Usually, when people speak of having a lot of people in their life that somehow turned on them, and now they don’t speak anymore. ‘I remember one old coworker would become super fast friends with someone, then within weeks, yeah, we don’t really talk anymore” Once, i’ll accept, hell even twice, but when it’s 4-5 times over…. guess what, it’s not everyone else.”
NOT LISTENING
“They don’t listen to what you say and respond accordingly; they only wait for you to stop talking so they can talk about whatever they want to talk about.”
SAYING NEGATIVE THINGS ABOUT OTHERS
“I’ve seen a lot of answers along the lines of “when they say negative things about others” (which I agree with, btw), but for me, a huge red flag is when someone can’t let someone else receive praise or be the center of attention.
I’ve met people in the past who have shown small signs of jealousy when I’ve praised mutual friends, siblings, strangers, etc., and in each case, it was indicative of bigger jealousy and self-esteem issues that led to some messed up stuff.”
TELLING EVERYTHING AS A JOKE
“Belittling their SO in front of people but insisting it’s a joke every time! Sadly in this situation, I used to be the belittled SO.”
ACTING LIKE A BEST FRIEND AT FIRST MEET
“When you barely know them, and they act like your best friend….then later ask to borrow money.”
EXPECTING YOU TO BE SO ENGAGING
“They don’t really listen to you or pay attention to what you’re talking about but expect you to be totally engaged with whatever they say and act put out if you aren’t.”
TALK ONLY ABOUT THEMSELVES
“When they only talk about themselves,”
NOT ACCEPTING NO AS AN ANSWER
“If they can’t take no for an answer.”
MONOPOLIZING A CONVERSATION
“When they monopolize a conversation, when they steer the conversation so that you end up being shown a phone full of photos, when they engage in a whole monologue about their health or relationship issues, when they brag a lot if not about themselves, then their family members.”
LYING EASILY
“I have only ever met two men (that I’m aware of) who lied to me about their ages when we met. Both of these men turned out to be extremely unpleasant and abusive people (I dated one of them and knew the gf of the other one). I think people who lie easily, even over trivial things, tend to have very complex psychological problems and are best steered clear of them.”
TREATING OTHERS BADLY
“How they treat waiters/waitresses, cashiers, janitors, bus drivers, and everyone in the service industry. A coworker friend of mine left a bunch of trash at the cinema after we finished watching a movie.
I angrily picked up his trash, chased him, and told him to throw it away in the bin 3 meters outside of the cinema. And he replied, “Dude, why are you so Japanese?” (I did graduate from Japan) “I’m just letting the janitors do their job.”
No, dude, it’s not being Japanese. It has manners. Couldn’t look at him the same way again ever since.”
GIVING TOO MUCH INFORMATION
“Too much information too quickly. People who divulge too much about themselves from the offset generally have poor boundary issues. I speak from experience. I am a recovering poor boundary have.”
TELLING ALL ABOUT THEIR HARDSHIPS
“When the first thing they tell you about themselves is all the hardship and unfairness in their lives.”
NOT RESPECTING YOUR TIME
“People that are not considerate with your time. Being five minutes late every so often isn’t a big deal. But when people are consistently 20 minutes late and make people wait, say for dinner.”
GOSSIPING ABOUT OTHERS
“People who gossip or complain about mutual friends or coworkers.
You may feel special that they want to share this with you and are curious about what they are talking about, but they are likely saying the same type of things about you to everyone else.
It’s a similar situation with people who complain about their exes to you when you’re dating. You will probably become another person they complain about to the next person they are dating.”
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This article was originally published on Mrs. Daaku Studio.