Strong and enduring relationships are built on a foundation of loyalty, flexibility, and compatibility.
A user asked the forum, “Men who have been through a divorce, why did it happen?”. Here are the top answers.
“I caught her cheating while I was shopping for vacation packages to Bali to celebrate our upcoming 25th wedding anniversary. Needless to say, I saved some money on the trip but had to sell a farm and trucking company, firing 16 good men to get rid of her.”
BECAME A SHORT-TEMPERED WORKAHOLIC
“I became a short-tempered workaholic who failed to be a proper husband. That created a woman who resented me for having her carry the burden of raising kids and working.”
ABUSING A CHILD
“Filed for divorce three months after I got married. Left for a 4-day business trip and came back to a note from my daughter asking me to check the nanny cams.
The woman who was sweet and doting on my daughter for two years turned on her after I left. She started with verbal abuse but didn’t stop. It was the most heartbreaking thing to watch.
I kicked her out of the house that night. I called a doctor and counselor for my daughter. I called an attorney first thing Monday.
I had a prenuptial, and she was shameful to ask for the stipulated payout. I told her attorney I had evidence of the accused abuse. She dropped it and signed the mutual dissolution.
I still sent the evidence to the police and pressed charges.”
NOT HAVING CLARITY IN LIFE AND ANOTHER ONE LEFT FOR A RICH BOY
“First marriage, she was 19 and I was 22. We were too young to know what we wanted out of life yet, and after almost ten years and two kids, we realized we weren’t compatible. The kids are grown, she’s been remarried for 20+ years, and we’re all great friends.
The second wife basically boils down to economics. She wanted a rich guy, and my business collapsed in 07, and she left. Rumor is that she found a new rich guy and is happily remarried.”
REJECTED AFTER STARTING TO WORK
“Ex wanted me to be a person I was not. Rejected me when I became that person.
“I was a literal drifter when we met, and I made sacrifices from the beginning. I worked seasonal farm jobs; I know those could not have lasted forever, but they made me happy.
So when we moved in together, I got a job in inventory management. It was a step-down, but I still enjoyed it and still had time for us. But it was not enough for her, so I bought us a house and went to career school.
I couldn’t handle it, and I knew I couldn’t. I now work a job I hate, but I was willing to continue to support us. I am good at it, and I have gotten raises, and I have been doing it for four years now. But 1 1/2 years ago, we separated.
I believe it’s because even though I make more money, I work obscene hours, and I lost myself while I was in school. I never wanted to be this pathetic excuse for success. But I did it because she pressured me to finance her dreams.”
MARRYING AT A YOUNG AGE AND MARRYING THE WRONG PERSON
“Married the wrong person for the wrong reasons at too young of an age.”
“Unfortunately, my ex-wife and the mother of my two kids had a gambling habit that she wouldn’t get help for. After numerous times of putting up in debt, the last time being for 40k and her still refusing to get help, I left.
To this day, she’s still a gambler, and it’s part of the reason my kids don’t want much to do with her.”
“My ex-wife kept beating and trying to manipulate me. This is my second marriage with the same outcome, so I’m doing some soul searching before round 3, except this time I’m not getting married again.”
BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER
“My ex had a borderline personality disorder, and over the years, she became nastier and more abusive.”
LOTS OF STRESS
“It’s a rare relationship where a couple matches perfectly. Most relationships are a work in progress with compromises and sacrifices, and sometimes you’re just not going to be happy with decisions that are made – but that’s sort of life in general.
The first marriage ended after 20 years because of a lot of stress – financial, relationship, and dealing with a handicap child. She was getting bad advice from a person she would no longer talk to.
I tried to appease her, knowing divorce would be devastating. But I learned that if someone makes up their mind to leave, no amount of counseling, negotiating, compromise, tears, anger, prayer – nothing can really stop them.
I am now in year 8 of my 2nd marriage and much more happy.
But even in this 2nd marriage, there’s a certain amount of disagreement that takes patience and compromise to get through. Neither one of us (me and 2nd wife) wants to go through another divorce, so we’re committed to finding a way forward no matter what and it does work – it’s just not the “happily ever after” that we all seem to think is out there.”
LYING ABOUT HAVING KIDS
“She lied to me about having kids. She said she wanted them but, behind the scenes, did everything to not have kids. She told everyone that I didn’t want kids, so they wouldn’t bring it up. After 15 years of marriage, the truth came out, and after that, I filed for divorce.”
“She was(is) a toxic narcissist. A few years ago, she ended up homeless, and not one of her four kids would let her spend a night in their home.”
“I became an alcoholic and drank my marriage away.”
PRIORITIZING DRUGS AND FRIENDS
“The first divorce was from a wife who thought her drug use and friend group was more important. She was violent and may have cheated, but I didn’t hang around to find out. Grabbed my clothes and left after a fight. She divorced me.
During the second divorce, I was treated like I didn’t matter, but she wanted her childish ways. Huge fight, and I was removed from the home. She divorced me. We’ve been living together for 21 years after one year apart.
Some days, I want to pack and leave, but most days, I’m grateful and love her without measure. There are no fights, just disagreements, but we work it out. Can’t say it’s perfect, but it’s very good daily.”
I created a monster in my ex-wife. I covered her shortcomings socially, financially, and emotionally since the start. I made it bad for myself, and she just became lazier and more entitled.
Eight years into this terrible marriage, I was nearly killed at work. It woke me up. Put things in perspective. I thought, why am I breaking myself for someone who genuinely is just there for a free ride? I ended it, separated, and divorced, and I cannot, in any way, justify my marriage to her.
It stole a decade of my life. I’m still paying the price financially and only have partial custody of the children. Women can’t lose in the system. Men cannot win. She is still lazy, unemployed, and entitled, living in the house I bought and was forced out of.
No woman is worth the giant effort of being an adult for you and for her. It’s exhausting and ultimately won’t be enough.
TL/DR: I worked too long and hard for zero appreciation and divorced after nearly dying at work.”
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This article was originally published on Mrs. Daaku Studio.