Is it okay to cut off someone who’s been immensely helpful to you over one incident?
A netizen recently asked, “Am I a jerk for not letting my Mother-In-Law (MIL) and Father-In-Law (FIL) help me with the baby after their reaction to me being injured?”. Could you look into this matter?
BACKSTORY
The Original Poster (OP) (21F) has a seven-month-old son with her boyfriend. OP’s family lives abroad and is coming to help during Christmas.
“For now, my MIL and FIL (60) (Debra and Bob) are helping me with household stuff and the baby. So far, we haven’t had any real issues, and they’ve been a massive help,” says OP.
ABOUT THREE WEEKS AGO
About three weeks ago, OP fell down the stairs. OP wasn’t holding the baby, and the baby was safe. However, instead of helping OP, Debra and Bob jumped to comfort the crying baby, leaving OP at the bottom of the stairs.
“My legs were fine, but I was wobbly because of shock and asked one of them to help me. After nearly ten minutes of being ignored, I managed to stand up on my own and hobble through to the living room,” says OP.
WHEN OP SAT DOWN
OP sits down, and Debra asks, “What happened to you? Are you okay?”.
“I’ll admit, I was red. I just said, ‘I fell down the stairs. Didn’t you hear me calling you for help?’ Debra’s eyes widened, and she said she was too busy fussing over the baby,” says OP.
AFTER AN HOUR
After an hour, OP’s arm swelled up, and OP was taken to hospital. Luckily, it was nothing severe, and recovery time would be quick.
“After my boyfriend got home and his parents left, I told him I no longer wanted their help after today’s events. I can manage independently, even though it’ll be hard,” says OP.
BOYFRIEND GETS STUNNED
Her (OP’s) boyfriend was taken aback and said they’ve done much for us.
“I said I appreciated it all, but they ignored me crying and calling them for ten minutes after I fell down the stairs. They don’t care about me, only the baby, and I was embarrassed I didn’t see it sooner,” says OP.
WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?
OP’s boyfriend called his parents to let them know they won’t need their help anymore, and his dad said, “Is it about today? We didn’t hear her.” OP’s boyfriend just told them they’re invited to Sunday roast this week, and that’s all.
“I could tell he was unhappy about my decision, but he said he went along with it because I’m the mother,” says OP.
FAST FORWARD TO SUNDAY
Fast forward to Sunday, and OP’s Brother-In-Law (BIL) and Sister-In-Law (SIL) were also guests. SIL has a three-year-old and is totally on OP’s side, but BIL is not.
“He told me to ‘be grateful’ for his parent’s support as they’re significantly more well-off than my parents are and paid for many newborn/infant expenses and plan to pay for many more as the baby grows,” says OP.
EVER SINCE THE SUNDAY ROAST
Since then, Debra keeps calling, asking if they need any help, and says she feels awful not seeing “the both of them” and misses the baby.
“Am I a jerk for not wanting them to help me in my day-to-day life?” asks OP.
SOME MORE INFORMATION
OP later edited the post and added the following information:
“The baby stopped crying after 10 seconds, and the stairs are 2 meters from the living room. There is no way they couldn’t have heard me scream as I fell. Plus, the general noise of someone falling, including books falling and wall plates breaking, is loud enough.
Also, I cried and shouted for help. I fell from the top of the stairs. This wasn’t a missed step or a bum shuffle that hurt my pelvic bone. I entirely fell down the stairs and cracked the banister. No way they didn’t hear. The baby also started crying after the initial smack after I hit the ground.”
IT SOUNDS INTENTIONAL
“They can hear a baby cry, but they can’t hear you screaming for help or falling downstairs. It sounds intentional. Not so much that they wanted you out of the picture, but you just aren’t a high enough priority for them to be concerned about.
Extra help is nice occasionally, but there’s no way I could handle someone coming in constantly. I want to parent my kids, not stand by while someone else does it. If you can afford to hire a housekeeper a couple days a week, do that if you can’t keep up with both.”
THIS IS PSYCHOTIC
“Not the jerk. If you are confident, and it sounds like you are, that there is no way they didn’t hear you fall, then this is psychotic. I would help my least favorite person if they fell down a flight of stairs so hard they cracked the banister. This is bizarre and alarming behavior, and I don’t blame you for not wanting them around. ”
YOU’RE BEING IMMATURE
“You’re the jerk. You go from ‘they’ve been a massive help’ to cutting them off over a misunderstanding? This behavior doesn’t help people understand each other, live together happily, and be intimate. Talk to each other. They have their viewpoint on what happened, too. I understand you’re upset, but this is so immature.”
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