A user asked, Am I wrong for mentioning in front of our two friends that spouse took a shower after 20 days?
Backstory
The Original Poster (OP) and her were hanging out with two of their friends, and during the conversation, OP made a joke that he takes showers sometimes after 20 days (which btw is the truth and OP have a hard time dealing with it).
How Did He Take It
He’s been furious at OP for ruining his reputation and has been sleeping in the guest room.
OP Wants To Know
OP wants to know if she is wrong for telling this. OP says, “I feel guilty about it but can’t take it back.”
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It Is NOT Mental Health Related
OP says, “It’s not mental health related but just laziness. He plays active sports at least 3 days/a week and still doesn’t hit the shower. His reasons are “It’s too late to shower,”; “I’ll get a cold”, and “hot water will make me cold afterward”. He only showers regularly when his mom/aunt are visiting us.”
Private Details SHOULD NOT Be Aired
‘I honestly think you are not wrong for sharing private details about your partner. His reaction tells us he was hurt and embarrassed. That embarrassment tells us this is not a choice(his lack of bathing ) he’s comfortable with.’
It Is A Red Flag
“Not wrong. The fact that he is so disrespectful to you is a giant red flag and sorry, but if he feels it’s totally FINE to do then it’s totally FINE to mention it.
If he acknowledged it’s not cool and had some other issue AND YOU HAD NEVER ADDRESSED IT, then that would be different.
He is making an intentional choice. When you make an intentional choice that 100% affects your partner, and you have been approached about it repeatedly and you stand by your choice, you have no reason to expect it to be some private secret bc you are totally FINE with it.”
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Don’t Let Him Back
“Not wrong. It’s good that he’s in the guest room. I wouldn’t let him back in your shared bed until he takes hygiene more seriously. 20 days is not healthy. 20 days whilst ALSO working out 3x a week is just plain GROSS. It leads to skin issues, scalp issues, clogged pores and infections. That’s saying nothing about the ODOR. People get used to smells without understating how pungent it is for others to endure.
I cringe thinking of the amount of bacteria that is growing in your bed. It’s sad that it takes him being publicly embarrassed to pay attention to it. Use this temper tantrum to your advantage to force him to change his habits.”
He Made A Choice
“If he showers regularly when his relatives are visiting, it more reads like a choice not to do so otherwise — so not wrong really.”
He Cares More About Friends and Family
‘I’m wondering why he cares that his friends know the truth, and showers for family but doesn’t care at all about his wife’s concerns or opinions on him being filthy and stinking all the time. What’s going on there?”
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It’s Disgusting
“His excuses aren’t really excuses, and that is disgusting and unsanitary. He says he gets cold after a shower; there are plenty of solutions to that (you may want to recommend).
Close the door or seal the shower curtain to keep steam in. Make sure the bathroom door is closed. Leave the shower on while you hop out so the steam is still in the air. Have your clothes right there, and have a towel nearby. Literally no excuse for a few seconds of discomfort.
You should mention your nose being unhappy 24/7 because I can not imagine that smells good.”
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This article was originally published on Mrs Daaku Studio.