Insecurities can often be unconsciously passed down to babies through learned behaviors and attitudes, potentially impacting their sense of self and confidence in the future. We have one such story today.
A Redditor took to the popular forum and asked, “Am I wrong for going off on my wife for commenting about our 3-week-old daughter’s looks?”
Backstory:
The Original Poster’s (OP) spouse was diagnosed with general anxiety disorder and depression before pregnancy. Since giving birth to their baby girl three weeks ago, she has been experiencing symptoms of post-partum depression.
OP’s first child, a son, bears a striking resemblance to OP’s wife. When looking at baby photos of OP’s wife, their son’s baby photos were almost identical. OP’s wife is considered attractive, so their son is also charming.
OP and his wife’s second child, a daughter, had inherited more physical traits from OP’s side of the family. She had a widow’s peak hairline, a trait that OP has had since infancy). Her lips were relatively thin, similar to OP’s.
Additionally, her nose was slightly larger than their son’s and had a classic hook shape, a trait commonly found in people of Middle Eastern descent, like OP.
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What Did OP’s Wife Say?
In the 21 days since their daughter’s birth, OP’s spouse had repeatedly expressed sadness to the baby about inheriting features from OP. Some of the comments made by OP’s wife to their daughter include:
“I’ll make sure to get you a nose job as soon as you’re old enough.“
“I wish you had gotten more of my family’s features. They are all beautiful and timeless, and your dad’s family, not so much.“
“[Their son] has these beautiful pouty lips, and you got stuck with those thin lips. It’s tough being a girl.“
Until yesterday, OP had been using a gentler approach to his spouse’s negative comments, with statements such as “ok, be nice” or “ok, chill.” However, yesterday OP reached his breaking point and yelled at his spouse for about five minutes, using profanity during his outburst.
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What Did OP Say?
During the outburst, OP made statements such as: “I don’t care if she can’t understand you. Stop saying those negative things.“
“[Their son] can understand you, so stop with this negativity.“
“I can understand you, and I don’t want to listen to this anymore.”
“Life is tough for girls, especially when their mother constantly criticizes their appearance.“
“The baby is only three weeks old and is perfect. Stop projecting your insecurities onto her.”
“You’ve told me how your mother messed with your head with her negative comments about your appearance, so why are you doing the same thing to our daughter?“
What Happened Next?
After the outburst, OP’s spouse was understandably hurt by the comments, and the two of them have not yet talked about or debriefed the situation.
OP acknowledges that his spouse’s negative comments about their daughter’s appearance may be influenced by her anxiety and post-partum depression, as well as her own mother’s negative influence on her psyche. OP also acknowledges that yelling and berating someone is not usually the best action.
OP asks, “Am I wrong here?”
Do you think OP standing up for their daughter was right, or should they have handled the situation differently? What would you do in this situation?
This article originally appeared on Mrs. Daaku Studio.