Some people have a knack for witty insults, so creative and absurd that they leave you laughing instead of offended. An internet user asked, “What is the most creative insult you’ve ever heard?”. Below are the top responses.
The Warning Analogy
“It could be that the purpose of your life is to serve as a warning to others.”
The Annoying Fashion Sense
“My wife says that I ‘have the fashion sense of a colorblind pimp.’ Not saying she’s wrong, though.
I heard this one at work – Having bob on your team is like having two good workers quit.”
The Emotional Damage Ft. Missing Teeth
“A former coworker was getting nonsense from one of our customers. After the customer said something particularly bad, my coworker looked him square in the face and said ‘Comments like that are probably why you’re missing teeth’.”
Bovine Grace
“One of my sister’s teachers would compliment someone’s ‘bovine grace’ if she was certain they would miss the insult. I always liked that one.”
The Wisdom Race
“Wisdom has been chasing you, but you’ve always been faster.”
Being Called Dumb Indirectly
“I can only explain it to you, I can’t understand it for you.”
The Deadly Envying
“I envy the people who haven’t met you.”
The Frontal Lobotomy Suggestion
“Have you ever considered the benefits of a frontal lobotomy?” Overheard being said in a casual conversational manner by one man to another who was ranting about something (I honestly couldn’t understand what).”
The Brain Cell Count
“One of my favorites is, ‘I swear you’ve got 2 brain cells left and they’re both fighting for 3rd place’.”
The Participation Award Analogy
“‘You are the human equivalent of a participation award’
That one cut me deep for some reason.”
The Distanced Star
“My absolute favorite is ‘You’re a star… immeasurably dense and best viewed from a great distance’.”
The Not-So-Helpful Employee Reference
” ‘You’d be very fortunate to get him to work for you.’
A former employer reference request.”
The Circular Family Tree
” ‘Your family tree is a circle’ had me laughing.”, said one.
“My step-sister is married to my cousin. They did not see the humor when I told them my family tree is a wreath now.”, another added.
Breaking The Speech-Intelligence Correlation
” ‘The ability to speak does not make you intelligent.’ is among my favorites.”
The Autopsy Remark
“I would like to attend your autopsy, the day you, unfortunately, perish, just to verify if your brain is as smooth as it seems.”
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This article was originally published on Mrs Daaku Studio.