Nobody gets the right to give you a nickname without your consent, especially when they’re doing this out of pure hatred for your actual name!
A netizen recently asked, “Am I a jerk for telling my grandpa I don’t owe him or my step-grandma anything when she always disrespects me and my name?”. Let us know what you think in the comments section!
BACKSTORY
The Original Poster’s (OP’s)(16M) mom named him Cassian after her mother. OP’s grandma, Cassie passed away when OP’s mom was only seven years old.
“My grandpa remarried after grandma’s death, and my mom and her stepmom never had a good relationship,” says OP.
SOME HISTORY BEHIND OP’S NAME
OP’s step-grandma tried but was always insecure and jealous that OP’s mom thought so much of his grandma and never saw her equally. OP’s mom and dad wanted to name their kids after people they lost but decided they wouldn’t just wait for the right gender and would find a name to do it regardless.
“So I was Cassian after Cassie, my sister was named after our late uncle, and my twin brother and sister were named after mom’s favorite grandparent and dad’s elderly neighbor from childhood who was a grandparent in every way except blood.”, says OP.
STEP GRANDMA’S EVIDENT DISLIKE
His (OP’s) step-grandma always had a visible dislike for OP’s name. OP remembers being 4 or 5 years old, and she tried calling him Tommy. Thomas, Tom, and Tommy are not part of OP’s name, so it always seemed weird to him.
“I don’t remember how long it lasted, but it was long enough that it stood out to me as happening for a while. Step-grandma cringed whenever someone called me Cassie or Cass for a nickname.”, says OP.
WHAT HAPPENED EVENTUALLY?
OP didn’t like her doing all that, and it made him dislike seeing her and his grandpa.
She stopped with the Tommy stuff for a while and then tried to get away with calling OP Bertie.
“I told her I didn’t like that, and she needed to call me Cassian or Cass.”, says OP.
STEP GRANDMA’S EXCUSE
OP’s step-grandma told OP she’d like him to have a different nickname, and OP said no, he didn’t want some random name as his nickname. Grandpa asked OP to compromise, and OP told him they could call him by his name or he would tell his mom (his mom didn’t hear this stuff usually).
TWO YEARS AGO
The most recent time the step-grandma did this was two years ago. OP decided to say “screw them” in his head, and now he hasn’t spent any time with them since.
“Mom never really visited, but now she always makes excuses for them not to come visit. We only see them now during family functions.”, says OP.
FAST FORWARD TO A FEW DAYS BACK
Grandpa contacted OP a few days ago and asked him if he would come to stay with them some weekends. He said OP’s step-grandma was feeling abandoned because it was apparent none of the grandkids were interested in spending time with her, and he thought it would be nice for OP, being the oldest, to set a good example and help them out. OP refused.
THE DRAMATIC ENDING
Grandpa told OP he could do this small thing for them and owed them that much. OP said he owes them nothing when his step-grandma constantly disrespects him by calling him by a different name and refusing to listen when OP says he doesn’t want to be renamed with a nickname.
“He said she’s my grandma, and I said no, she’s not anyone’s mom or grandma, and she’s still bitterly jealous that grandma hasn’t been forgotten, and that’s not our fault. He told me I was disrespectful, and I could hear his wife in the background. He called to tell my mom, and she backed me up and told him to leave me alone. Am I a jerk?” asks OP.
STEP GRANDMA NEEDS A REALITY CHECK
“Not the jerk. Your step-grandma must recognize that becoming part of a family doesn’t include dropping in and telling everyone they have new names they don’t like.”
SHE SOUNDS TOXIC
“Not the jerk! The amount of pure disrespect that woman is showing you is a shocking and callous disregard for your feelings. Good lord, who in their right mind thinks it’s okay to rename someone because they don’t like their name? Pretty clear why no one wants to spend time with her; she sounds toxic.”
WHAT A PITIFUL EXCUSE
“Not the jerk. What a pitiful excuse for a not-really grandmother! All these years, jealous of a dead woman and unable to get past it to the actual love she might have had if she’d just used your right name. What a waste.”
YOU DESERVE TO BE CALLED BY YOUR NAME
“Not the jerk, but you know that. You deserve to be called by your name. You deserve to be respected. You shouldn’t purposefully put yourself in a situation to be disrespected. Good old granny has had 16 years of being told no, and she doesn’t care. She cares more about your name than you. Walk away and breathe.”
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This article was originally published on Mrs Daaku Studio.