A user asked, Am I wrong for wanting to prioritize myself on my first Mother’s Day?
Backstory
This coming Sunday will be the Original Poster’s (OP) first Mother’s Day as a mom, after three years of infertility and multiple miscarriages.
What Does OP Say
OP says, “I think my history may be clouding my judgment here and making me selfish, but at the same time, I’m having a hard time seeing how I’m wrong. I’m hoping you guys can give me some clarity.”
What Does OP Want To Do
All OP wants to do for Mother’s Day is spend the day with her husband and baby and have a nice lunch at my favorite restaurant. This has irritated everyone.
What Does OP’s, Mother Want
OP says, “My mother wants us to drive 1.5 hours to spend Mother’s day with her. I don’t want to spend 3 hours in a car with a five-month-old in one day.”
What Does The Mother In Law Want
OP’s MIL wants us to have lunch with her before she goes and has dinner with her mother. OP’s husband says they have to see his mother on Mother’s Day and, while he’s annoyed that she is only available to see us for lunch, says we will have to plan the day around her availability.
She does not want to go to the restaurant I want to go to, and we can’t go to that restaurant for dinner because of the baby’s bedtime.
What Does OP Think
OP says, “Maybe I’m being selfish, but I feel like this is my first Mother’s day, and we should do what I want, and everyone else can stop demanding. My husband thinks I need to compromise and we can have a lovely lunch celebrating his mom and me somewhere we like. My mom is upset that no version of our Mother’s day plans involves her.”
OP finally broke down and told everyone that she would go to her favorite restaurant with the baby and that they could all do whatever they wanted. Everyone is calling her selfish and overdramatic. She wants to know if she is wrong
You Are NOT Selfish
“Good for you! NTA and you’re not selfish. I’m honestly shocked that your mother and your MIL aren’t more understanding. Also, congrats on becoming a mom! Enjoy your first Mother’s Day, dont let them bring you down! You deserve it!”
Stick To Your Guns
“Not a jerk and stick to your guns, OP. My monster in law refused to so much as wish me a happy Mother’s Day for years and made every single one about her. Set the precedent now and stick to your guns. If they want to participate in your mother’s day, they can come to you (if you like) and do what you want to do.”
It is About You
“Not a jerk You have a baby! Mother’s Day is now about you! They’ve had decades of mothers days to remember on Mother’s Day while they let you have the day not catering to everyone else and enjoying the day. It’s your turn now, don’t put yourself out with stress of traveling with a baby if it’s not what you want to do with your day.
That was my one demand after I had a kid after 5 losses. FIVE! My MIL still somehow tried to get my husband to cater to her that first year but I made it a rule that year on that Mother’s Day and Father’s Day were ours first, if we wanted to visit our parents on whichever holiday was “our day” we could, but in no way was it an obligation. We started saying “sorry we already have plans to celebrate that day here and can’t make it”.”
Sunday Is Yours
“Not a jerk. This is my first Mother’s Day as well, and I made it super clear to my husband that it’s MY day, not hers. Shes had 30 years of being a mother, Ive had 3 months. We will see her Thursday and give her a gift but Sunday is completely my day.”
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This article was originally published on Mrs Daaku Studio