An internet user asked the forum, “Am I a jerk for being the reason my parents and brother may become homeless?” Here’s the full story for you to conclude:
Backstory:
The Original Poster (OP) loves her family but she can’t live with them anymore. OP is a single mom (34) and she’s doing her best to provide her daughter (15) with a good life.
Right now, OP’s parents (55, 58) and brother (32) live with her in a 2-bedroom apartment, which means OP shares a bedroom with her daughter.
What Does OP Say?
OP says, “I hate it because I want her to have her own space and be a normal teenager who slams their bedroom door shut and mopes around.
It’s not possible because my parents use the other (bigger) bedroom and my brother sleeps in the living room.”
OP’s Parents And Their Religious Beliefs
OP’s parents are highly religious and believe God will send them a miracle and they’ll have a wonderful, money-filled life soon.
The thing is, they’ve been waiting for this ‘miracle’ for more than 10 years now. They’ve been given ‘prophecies’ and dreams that indicate that God has ‘something big in store for them’.
In the meantime, OP’s dad lost his job and doesn’t work. OP’s mom doesn’t work either. Every time OP asks them when God will be delivering on those promises, they say ‘soon’ and they just have to be patient.
The Problem
OP says, “The sad thing is, they really believe all that. I’m so tired of living with them because we don’t get along and my mom and I regularly argue about the dumbest things.
I get treated like a child and neither I nor my daughter’s opinions are taken seriously.”
OP and her daughter’s social lives have suffered because they can’t bring anyone to their place as they’ll be confronted by a messy living room since OP’s brother isn’t the cleanest person and her parents are always at home.
OP’s Parents’ And Her Brother’s Financial Contributions
OP’s brother has an online writing job, but it takes him weeks to complete his work and he doesn’t get paid that much, so he’s not contributing to their living costs. OP’s parents don’t contribute anything either.
OP’s Decision In View Of Her Daughter’s Mental Health
OP’s daughter’s mental health is also suffering because she doesn’t get along with OP’s parents (she tries her best to) because of how obnoxiously religious they are.
OP knows that her anxiety and depression (and my own) will be easier to handle in a healthy way when they’re in their own place.
OP is planning to move away but that will mean her parents and brother won’t have someone to pay their rent or buy them food anymore-they’ll be homeless.
“Am I a jerk for considering leaving them behind and getting a place for me and my daughter?” asks OP.
Don’t Change Your Mind
“Not the jerk. I know many will probably go with the religious angle, but that aside, you’ve put your life on hold to give them a roof over their heads and look after them and they seem to be doing nothing in return.
Give them *plenty* of notice but tell them that nothing will change your mind.
It’ll be absolute hell as they’ll try all sorts of emotional blackmail but you have to put your and your daughter’s wellbeing first.
It’s an awful situation to be in though so you certainly have my sympathy.”
Be Kind To Yourself
“Your parents *have* received a miracle financial windfall and they don’t even recognize it.
They have someone to milk off of.
I’m guessing your brother doesn’t work (or at least contribute) so basically, you’re enabling all of them to enjoy the free-ride lifestyle. Why would they change?
You’re obviously a kind person. It’s time to be kind to yourself and put you and your daughter first for a change. Find a new place for you and your daughter then give them notice that they will not be moving with you. Under no circumstances! AND inform them you will not be giving them any money or putting anything for them in your name.
When they realize their gravy train is coming to an end, it may motivate them to perform or perish. Either way, it won’t be your problem anymore. Then get into counseling so you can make sense of the dynamic you’ve been guilted into your entire life and how toxic it’s been for your daughter.”
Evict Them Officially
“Absolutely not the jerk. Find out the rules in your area to evict someone.
Give them official notice that they have whatever time it is (30 days? 60 days? 90 days?) to move out, after which you will start the eviction process.
You COULD try to ask nicely first and hear them out. If they do not make a movement to get out, then escalate it. But their “wishful thinking” makes me believe you will have to formally evict them. START THE PROCESS NOW.
It’s affecting your daughter. That is all you need to have as a reason to kick them out. GIVE HER THE LIFE SHE DESERVES. As it stands now, you’ve given that life to your parents and brother instead.
Good luck.”
Your Daughter Needs Your Attention
“As you said, you need to provide the best life you possibly can for your daughter, she is your immediate family, and your parents and brother aren’t anymore.
If her mental health is declining, it’s more important to make sure she’s okay for the long run, or else there is a possibility of resentment down the road as well.”
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This article was originally published on Mrs Daaku Studio.