Temperature preferences are a very personal thing. But who on earth lets their children be cold even after having the means to fix things for them?
A netizen recently asked, “Am I a jerk for not letting my daughter control the thermostat?”. We’re all ears for your opinion on the matter!
BACKSTORY
The Original Poster (OP) is from the United Kingdom.
“I am struggling to see why we are the jerks as my parents and sister deemed. My husband uses social media and thought this space would provide a third insight that we are missing,” says OP
WHO IS THIS ABOUT?
OP (40F) and her husband (42M) have two daughters: Jane (22F) and Lisa (5F). This concerns Jane, who has been struggling with the cold.
JANE’S CONCERNS
Jane started complaining about the house’s temperature now that it’s no longer summertime.
“Currently, we leave the central heating off all the time apart from in the early morning (5-7 am) so Lisa doesn’t get too cold when she is awake”, says OP.
OP AND HER HUSBAND’S TAKE
OP and her husband don’t have an issue with the house’s temperature (it’s approximately 16°C at night across all of the bedrooms since they checked in case her room was draftier).
“We don’t feel it nor see where Jane is coming from. Jane complains and says she wears multiple layers to bed and around the house while we are all asleep”, says OP.
WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?
Jane asked if she could access the thermostat to switch the heating on at a higher temperature than 18°C (what they set it as). She wants to raise it to 21°C, but OP and her husband said no.
“She keeps complaining about wearing four layers to bed so she doesn’t feel cold in the morning. Lisa says it isn’t cold when we ask her. My husband and I also don‘t feel the cold, so we said no to her asking and thought that would end it,” says OP
AT THE DINNER TABLE
It did not end. They had dinner at OP’s parents’ house, and Jane commented on how warm and toasty her grandparents’ house was.
WHAT DOES OP ASK?
“My parents were shocked that we didn’t allow her access to the thermostat, and they tried to convince us to give her access because it isn’t right for her to sleep in multiple layers.
My sister agreed with them and said my daughter has valid points since the temperature starts dropping at night. Are we wrong here?” asks OP.
YOU DON’T CARE ABOUT HER
“You’re the jerk. It’s not that you can’t afford to raise the thermostat, and it’s not that raising the thermostat would make the rest of you uncomfortable. You reject every option for a heat source (like a heated blanket or space heater) other than raising the thermostat.
You don’t care about your daughter. You don’t care that she’s too cold. Also, 16 degrees is insane to keep a house at.”
GIVE HER SOLUTIONS
“You’re the jerk. Give your daughter solutions; don’t make her just put up with it. The simplest would be to raise the thermostat a little, as the rest of you wouldn’t overheat, and she might be comfortable then.
Different people have different comfortable temperatures. I would be satisfied with your average temperature, as would two of my children. My wife and third child would not, and it’s hard to sleep well when you’re too cold.”
YOUR HOUSE SOUNDS VERY COLD
“You’re the jerk. Your house sounds freezing cold. It’s currently below 10 degrees outside, and you’re not using the central heating; of course, she feels cold. Having the house set to 18 degrees at 9 am, it will be cold at night if you don’t run the heating in the evening.
Just because you are happy with less than 16 degrees doesn’t mean everyone else must be. You are being a jerk about this, but at the least, you could buy her a cheap electric heater. You can get them from Screwfix for like £25.”
YOU’RE CERTAINLY THE JERK
“Your child is cold. No one should be cold. You have the resources to stop her from being cold. You choose not to do that. You’re the jerk. Case closed.”
GET HER TESTED
“United Kingdom houses are traditionally colder indoors than North American houses in the winter, and many people are just fine with it. They grew up that way. In addition to everything else,
I suggest you get the daughter, who always feels cold, evaluated, especially for thyroid issues. There might be medical reasons why she feels cold, and the rest of you don’t.”
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This article was originally published on Mrs. Daaku Studio.