Teenage girls can be challenging, especially if their parents are not on the same page.
A netizen recently asked, “Am I a jerk for telling my daughter to go live with her stepmom?”. Here’s the whole story for you to conclude.
BACKSTORY
The Original Poster (OP) (36F) has a 13-year-old (soon to be 14) daughter, Danielle.
“I’m divorced and co-parent with my ex-husband John (40M), who has a wife, Christina (32F),” says OP.
CHRISTINA’S INFLUENCE OVER DANIELLE
Danielle tells OP that Christina is more outgoing and less strict than OP, which, honestly, she doesn’t mind. Still, Danielle soon began getting long acrylics, wearing revealing stuff, and wearing a full face of makeup, including lashes.
WHAT HAPPENED LAST WEEK?
OP tried talking to Danielle about it, but she just ignored OP. Last week, Danielle asked if she could get lash extensions.
“I told her no because she was too young, and it could destroy her eyes,” says OP.
DANIELLE THREW A FIT
Danielle threw a fit and told OP about how Christina would let her. OP snapped at her and told her if she didn’t want to follow OP’s rules under OP’s roof, she could go and live with her dad.
IS OP THE JERK?
“She immediately goes to her room and slams the door shut. She hasn’t spoken to me since. So am I a jerk?” asks OP.
GIVE HER SOME TIME
“Not the jerk. You are her mother, and it is up to you to set the boundaries. She is pitting you against her stepmother, which all kids do. Give her time. She will get over it eventually. She is young.”
YOU’RE DOING YOUR BEST
“Not the jerk. Unlike Christina, who is trying to be a ‘buddy’ and friend, you are trying to be an actual parent. This is a horrible age, but you’re doing your best.”
TALK WITH YOUR EX
“You need to talk with your ex about rules and what is unacceptable. Remember, it’s not all you deem acceptable; he is still her father. Not the jerk.”
EXPLAIN HER GENTLY
“I understand you’re frustrated, but you need to think of her as a toddler in an adult-sized body. She is insecure, and the last thing she needs is to feel like her mom wants to get rid of her.
But that doesn’t mean she shouldn’t have boundaries. Just explain why she can’t do whatever she’s asking and leave emotion out of it. Plus, where it’s possible, let her win sometimes. Teens are tricky.”
ACT LIKE AN ADULT
“She’s still a child, and you’re the mom. Saying hurtful things even though she did will create a further rift. Take a step back when you’re feeling triggered and then reacting. Stay firm with your words.”
YOU HANDLED THIS POORLY
“You’re the jerk. You handled this poorly. Parenting can be frustrating, but you’re the adult here. It would help if you acted like it. You told her that you don’t care enough to take the time to explain to her why you have different rules, and instead, you’d rather dump her on her dad if she won’t listen.
Maybe sit her down and explain that makeup is okay (which it should be; it’s a form of self-expression), but lash extensions can damage her eyes and even cause her real lashes to fall out in clumps, and that you have rules because you care about her. Her stepmom doesn’t because she cares more about your daughter liking her than your daughter’s well-being.”
BOTH PARENTS NEED TO BE ON THE SAME PAGE
“Not the jerk. Teenage girls are complete demons. But it’s time you chatted with her dad about age-appropriate boundaries. 13-14 is too young to get fake lashes and wear a face full of makeup. Her skin is all lovely and unclogged, and it could cause her some severe skin issues. You and dad need to be on the same page.”
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This article was originally published on Mrs. Daaku Studio.