When you’re in need, it can be uncomfortable when someone who couldn’t assist you now expects your help. Here’s a story that illustrates this situation.
A user asked the forum, “Am I a jerk for letting my family stay at our house but refusing to let my fiancé’s family do the same?” Read the full story to know more.
BACKSTORY
The original poster (OP) and his fiance live together near the ocean with many tourist attractions. OP says that his family from around the world regularly visit and stay with them.
In return, we stay with them when we visit their cities for various reasons (work, vacation, etc).
WHAT’S THE ISSUE?
Last year OP had to travel to the city where his wife’s brother lives, and she decided to visit him and his family.
She asked if they could stay with them, and his brother declined because he’s still protective of his family due to the world event.
WHAT DID OP DO?
OP says that he understood at first, and they stayed at a hotel but later got annoyed because they had no problem going to dinner and out with them in public.
REPETITION OF THE SAME SCENARIO
Earlier this year, he had to go back to his city, and again, she came along to visit them.
He again declined her request to stay at their house, so we stayed at a hotel.
WHAT DID OP FEEL THIS TIME?
OP says that he understands some people just don’t like to have overnight guests. The visit went smoothly, and everyone had a good time.
WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?
Last week his wife’s brother called to ask if he and his family could stay at their place when they come here in a couple of weeks for their vacation.
WHAT DID OP SAY?
OP got annoyed because he didn’t let them stay at his house but wanted to stay at theirs.
He told his fiancé they could stay at a hotel, but she argued that they would need three rooms for seven days due to their family size.
WHAT DID OP’S FIANCE SAY?
She then pointed out they always let his family stay with them, at which point OP countered that it is because they are always invited to stay with his family whenever they visit their cities.
She argued that families do things for each other without expecting anything in return. They went back and forth until bed last night.
WHAT’S THE SCENARIO NOW?
OP says that he was sitting there having coffee while she was sleeping, and he was unsure if he was wrong.
On the one hand, he knows he can be stubborn and petty. On the other hand, his wife’s brother doesn’t invite them to stay with him while expecting them to house him and his family.
OP’S UPDATE ABOUT HIS HOUSE
OP updates about his house that they have a four-bedroom house along with many air mattresses. Once, they hosted 10 of her college friends when they had a get-together. People slept in the living room and dining room.
They also have a 4-BR house, and they would have been happy to sleep in the living room. They have slept on an air mattress many times at my family’s homes.
SHE IS BRINGING HER SISTER
He also added that all of his kids are over ten, and his wife is bringing her sister along, and she needs a BR of her own. No one in his family has any disability or condition.
THEIR HOUSE IS NEAR TO POPULAR ATTRACTIONS
OP says that their house is near many of the attractions they want to go to. Due to the popularity of the attractions they want to go to, hotels and house rentals close to those attractions are more expensive than normal. Also, their house is close to shopping and restaurants.
HIS FIANCE DECIDED TO GIVE HIM HER CAR
OP’s fiancé just told him that whether they stay with them or not, she’s letting her brother borrow her car for the week so that they’ll only have to rent one car. That means they will have to carpool that week. He says that this was even more annoying as that would add about an hour to his daily commute.
HE WAS ANNOYED
He also says that his fiancé is a better person than him. He says that he was very petty when he was annoyed, which is why he usually takes cues from her and goes with her decisions in certain situations. In this case, he was very annoyed, which is why they were in an argument.
When it was just him traveling to her brother’s city, his company was paying for a hotel room. When his fiancé decided to tag along to visit her brother, she asked him to stay so she could spend more time with her nieces and nephews.
Now OP wants to know if what he did is wrong.
IT IS LOTS OF HOUSE GUESTS
“Not a jerk. It’s bizarre that they would ask to stay with you after denying 2 of your requests (with a weird excuse). Additionally, if they require three hotel rooms, that’s a lot of houseguests. Just say no.”
WHAT DID THEY DO FOR YOU?
“Not a jerk. They can’t accommodate two people but want you to accommodate six people. Family does do things for each other, so ask your fiance what did they do for you?”
IT IS NOT YOUR PROBLEM
“Tell your fiancée that her brother’s hypocrisy is not your problem to solve.
If they can’t afford to get enough hotel rooms, then they don’t travel.
Tell her their unwillingness to let you both stay shows that they are only using you rather than being a part of the family, and only the family get to stay.”
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This article was originally published on Mrs Daaku Studio.