The dynamics within a marriage are intricate, particularly when both partners are juggling professional careers. Prioritizing quality time together becomes even more vital to nurture a strong and fulfilling relationship.
A user asked, “Am I wrong for finally snapping at my wife?” We want to hear from you.
Backstory
The Original Poster’s wife (Anna)
and OP, both mid-30’s, have two boys, 8 (Alex) and three months (Riley).
OP has a business and works hard and sometimes very long hours to prioritize his clients, get positive referrals, and maintain professional relationships. <
A Little More
Alex is in 2nd grade, and OP gets him up and ready and takes him to school in the mornings. Anna picks Alex up in the afternoons and takes him to therapy and extra-curriculars when he has those, does homework, packs his lunches, and does the bedtime routine. We split anything else.
Riley is exclusively breastfed and wakes up 2-3 times a night. Anna always gets Riley at night so OP can sleep, but she sleeps during his long morning nap from 7-10.
What Else Does Anna Do?
Besides that, Anna is a stay-at-home mom who runs the back end of my business.
She takes care of Riley, the house stuff, handles our finances, errands, and simple office tasks like emails, scanning, filling, setting appts, data entry, follow-ups, etc.
While OP is the one going out and working every day face to face with clients, trying to get business and pacify ones that are frustrated or unhappy about something.
What Happens When OP is Home?
When OP is home and not busy, they split household chores and most baby care 50/50. OP, try to do my part as much as possible.
OP’s Job Extends
OP’s job doesn’t end at 5/6 pm. It’s common for OP to deal with people at 9/10 pm because he wants his clients to be happy and feel confident in him. OP also attends networking events 3/4 nights a week until 8:30/9 pm to make more connections and get his name out there.
What is Anna’s Complaint?
Anna knows and sees how much OP works.
OP says, “She knows I’m busting my back all day, but she’s always on my case. I don’t prioritize her and the kids, cancel plans last minute to network, and forget promises I made to Alex. I’m missing out on bonding with Riley. Every day she has a new complaint.
What Else Did OP Say
“I’ve told her I’m doing all this for her and the kids so they can have a better life and she doesn’t have to work. I’m taking care of them. Anyway, I hit my limit with Anna’s complaining and blew up, yelling at her to grow up and stop being so selfish for once and think about me. Now she’s not speaking to me, and I think maybe I was a little harsh on her.”
OP wants to know if he is wrong. Here is what others have to say:
Are You Serious?
“Is this a joke…? You are a jerk. She gets upset at you for not following through on your word, so you get upset at her for being upset. Nice. Also, let’s review the way you talk about her in this post:
“she takes care of Riley, the house stuff, handles our finances, errands, and simple office tasks like emails, scanning, filling, setting appts, data entry, follow-ups, etc… While I’m the one going out and working.”
She is working. She is doing two multiple-faceted things at once. She handles business and is a SAHM which is a massive job in itself. She is doing just as much as you and ACTUALLY working. Get off your high horse; you’re probably doing less than she does.
“When I’m home and not busy*, we split household chores 50/50.” -* Okay? Do you want a cookie? You should be splitting chores with her when you can as a loving, caring partner.
“My job doesn’t end at 5/6 pm” – HERS DOESN’T EITHER! Imagine being a stay-at-home mom constantly working to take care of her kids and house and being devalued because you “don’t work long hours.”
You probably don’t even realize your subconscious is looking down on her, which is evident in this post. If this post was meant to show you in a good light, I can’t imagine how it is. Yikes.”
You Are A Liar
“You’re wrong and a liar. She is raising your children and helping you with your business; she is NOT a SAHM. She should seriously consider divorcing you and taking half of the assets.”
You Are Downplaying Her Contribution
“You are a jerk. Now, I’m not trying to diminish your efforts because it does sound like you are doing a lot. But it sounds like you are doing a lot of being a “father” and not a lot of being a “dad.”
And, let me tell you something when your kids grow up, they will not remember all the times you were a “father” to them, but they will certainly remember how you were NOT a “dad.” You are singularly focused on providing when you should be working on balancing providing with being a “dad.”
Do you want your kids, when they are grown, to say beautiful things about everything their mom did and all the time they spent with her, and then, when asked about you, all they have to say is, “Oh yeah…he was there sometimes, he’s ok.”? Because at the rate you’re going, that’s where you’re headed.
You are looking at a life of having only a superficial relationship with your kids.”
You Are Prioritizing Work Over Family
“You are a jerk. Twice you say you want to prioritize your clients. Why aren’t you that passionate about prioritizing your wife and kids?”
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This article was originally published on Mrs. Daaku Studio.