She brought a few items for her daughter without letting her husband know. Her husband is angry about it. Is it such a big deal?
A user asked the forum, “Am I a jerk for Ordering Something Special for my Daughter without Telling Husband?”. Read the complete story to know who is wrong here.
BACKSTORY
The Original Poster’s (OP’s) daughter, (5F), will be starting kindergarten tomorrow and has been extremely nervous all summer.
While browsing Amazon, she came across “First Day of School” Chalkboards and bought one with chalk markers to do with her daughter the night before school started.
SHE MADE A FEW PURCHASES
They came in the mail very quickly so she put them aside with a few other purchases as she didn’t need them for a few days, and her family was getting ready to go away for a Labor Day vacation.
The Monday before school starts. She and her daughter went to pick up some school supplies and then returned home to play in the pool in the yard.
WHAT DID HER HUSBAND DO?
Her husband (41M) refused to be outside with her and the kids (she also has a 2M) because the weather was hot.
He played video games for 2 hours. When she and the kids went inside at 6 p.m., she gave them baths as it was her turn and then cooked dinner for everyone.
WHAT DID OP DO NEXT?
After dinner, she sat down with Tegan to fill out the Chalkboards so it would dry for tomorrow’s picture. She also wanted to relax for a few minutes!
HOW DID HER HUSBAND REACT?
Her husband came storming into the living room where they were sitting. Immediately, he started arguing with her over the board. He was upset with her because
-She didn’t ask him before purchasing or show him what she was purchasing.
-She didn’t inform him of the purchase.
-She didn’t inform him what the boards were or when she was going to fill them out with her daughter.
WHAT DID HER HUSBAND SAY?
He accused her, in front of her daughter, of being selfish, inconsiderate, and rude in regard to his feelings.
He called her ‘disgusting’. When she suggested he sit down with them on the couch, he claimed he was still eating and, therefore, not ready.
WHAT WAS HER HUSBAND’S RESPONSE?
When she reminded him the boards were about their daughter going to K, he replied that she ‘screwed up’ in not including him.
She once again invited him to sit on the couch with them, but he refused.
WHAT DID OP REMIND HIM ABOUT?
He went into the kitchen and hasn’t spoken to her since, even though she has been reminding him that they will be taking pictures tomorrow and they will be dropping her off together.
He asks if she is a jerk for not sharing simple boards with her husband before purchasing.
WHAT WAS OP’S FINAL THOUGHTS
She says that the whole point is for her daughter to hold them while they celebrate this milestone with her–not to worry about who is filling them out. She asks if she screwed up.
She thought as parents, they were supposed to be caring about their daughter and her worries about school!
Now OP wants to know if she is a jerk.
EVERYONE MUST HAVE THAT FREEDOM
“I don’t imagine those things are an expensive purchase at all. Everyone has to have some freedom to purchase little things like that. If he came home with, say, a new Barbie doll for her, I don’t think you would flip out, right?
He is wildly out of line for calling you ‘disgusting’ (How? Why?!), and if he had a problem, it would have been appropriate to ask if you wouldn’t mind coming to the kitchen (or wherever) for a moment or waiting until she was in bed. There’s no reason to fly off the handle to that extent.
Unless you have tens of thousands in cc debt, this doesn’t seem like a big deal, and even then, his reaction seems wild over the top for the claimed offense.”
YOU HAVE GOT A BIGGER PROBLEM. HE IS DEPRESSED
“I think you’ve got a bigger problem than a chalkboard. Here’s what I see in his behavior – a man who doesn’t want to spend time with his family for whatever reason. Maybe he is sick of the marriage, maybe he is depressed, maybe there is work stress, I don’t know.
But he is choosing to spend time on his own pursuits rather than be around you guys in an engaged way, and he knows that’s bad behavior on his part. I feel like this guilt is being translated into anger at you.
He knows he should have been spending time with you guys and realized he missed or nearly missed a “moment.” It’s a lot easier to yell at you about how it’s your fault for not telling than it is to admit fault in himself that he is so checked out that he doesn’t know what is going on and isn’t a hands-on father.”
THIS IS AN UNACCEPTABLE BEHAVIOR
“Unless you stay with this jerk and ruin your children’s childhood. What’s wrong with him???? This is 100% unacceptable behavior. Also, how can he still be eating dinner if you and the kids are in the living room?
Are you not having dinner together? My goodness. Talk about destroying what should be a really important, loving, shared experience for the family.”
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