A user asked, Am I wrong for calling my girlfriend selfish for being upset I wasn’t at the birth of our kid because I was also in the hospital?
Backstory
The Original Poster’s (OP) girlfriend and OP (both 26f) have a son who is just over a year old. And there was some major ‘drama’ during the birth.
Context
For some context, OP has chronic heart problems and has been struggling with them since birth. OP had surgery when she was an infant, another at 7, and another at 15.
OP says, “I haven’t needed one since and have been doing well. When my girlfriend was 6 months pregnant, I got really, really ill, and it took a massive toll on my lungs and heart. I pulled through but spent about a month in the hospital. I felt so awful that I couldn’t be with my girlfriend (Jane), but she was super great.”
What Happened Two Days Before The Due Date
Then, two days before the due date, OP was rushed into the hospital due to fluid build-up around her heart. OP had to get the fluid removed asap.
When the fluid was all out, OP’s brother-in-law (BIL) came to visit OP, and he told OP that Jane had given birth. I was both ecstatic and devastated.
She Met Her Girlfriend
OP had to spend the night under supervision, but as soon as OP was allowed to leave, OP went to the maternity wing to see her wife and baby.
At the time, all negative emotions were smothered by their bundle of joy, but over the months, Jane has been showing more and more signs of resentment towards OP.
What Happened Last Night
It came to a head last night during their date night. OP says, “I had the whole day planned; the baby had gone to grandma’s, her favorite take out, got all her favorite movies ready to play, spa evening planned, etc. But she wasn’t feeling any of it. I asked her what was wrong, and she said she was angry at me for missing the birth.”
OP Admits She Didn’t Handle Well
OP admits that she didn’t handle it as best as she wanted to, but they argued for a bit, and OP ended up calling her selfish for saying that.
OP says. “I asked her if she understood the severity of the situation and that I was very ill. She got up and said she wouldn’t let me patronize her and that she’s never been disrespected like that before, and that she’s going to bed. Am I wrong?”
She Is The Jerk
‘Not wrong. Does your GF want you to die in order for her to have the perfect moment to tell her kid?
You should have handled it more diplomatically, but doesn’t seem your are a jerk.”
Not Your Fault
‘Your pretty not a jerk and. It’s also not a surprise that your GF felt the lack of your presence in the birth in ways that she’s going to need to process, even though it was not your fault. And you may also still be processing that you weren’t there, even though, of course, this wasn’t your fault.
You may both be processing what these two major health incidents suggest about your health and longevity, which has huge implications for how you, your wife, and your child’s lives unfold.
It also may be helpful for you to think through precisely what your GF said and how much of your reaction to it is about your feelings, how much was about hers, and how much is about fearing for the image of a happy family that both of you are having to face both a real (you weren’t there at the birth) and potential (your heart could continue to be a problem and that could change the course of your life) impacts on that family.
Because that could help you and her get back to healthier ground.”
You Had No Control
“Not wrong – She held that resentment in for over a YEAR. Over something you literally had no control over! It’d be reasonable shortly after the fact for her to confide, “I feel so disappointed that you had to miss the birth of our son,” you’d say “me too,” and you could both talk about your hurt feelings together and how this was so unfair for the both of you. Instead she let this fester for a year, and during all of that rumination, she holds resentment for you over it. When, again, this was out of your hands. You had a medical emergency.
I’m sorry, but she’s the one who disrespected you. I’d also legitimately question if she understood the severity of your medical situation if she was still angry at you and arguing with you about it a year later.”
You Were Physically Incapable
‘Not wrong – You were physically incapable of being there for the birth of your child, what did she think was going to happen?
How was she being patronized? Being told that you couldn’t be there for the birth of your child was impossible and there nothing you could’ve done that would’ve changed that.”
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This article was originally published on Mrs Daaku Studio.