Relationships are complicated, and sometimes, we cross the line. We came across one such incident today. A asked in the group, “Am I wrong for being “disrespectful” to my boyfriend’s sister?”
Here is what actually happened:
Backstory
The Original Poster’s (OP) boyfriend is Zack. His mother passed away when he was 11, and his father worked hard.
What Did The Sister Do
Zack’s elder sister, Elise, basically took on the role of the woman in the house. She cooked meals, cleaned the house, drove Zack to school, and did other activities. She took on the role of a parent for Zack and decided to go to a local college as well.
Because of these reasons, Zack and Elise are close to each other, and he respects her sister.
The Relationship:
Zack and the OP dated for a year. While the OP seemed like an extrovert, Zack is an introvert.
What Does OP Say
The OP says, “Before me, he spent much of his weekend gaming or just hanging out with a small group of friends. I tend to go out, and I work hard all week and want to enjoy the time I have off. Zack is a shy, somewhat nerdy guy, and I think I’ve broken him out of his shell a little, pushing him to do things out of his comfort zone.”
According to the OP, Elise and Zack’s father have commented on him changing his behavior and choices. The OP states that Elise has made several comments about Zack not needing to change who he is.
What Happened On This Day:
On a Sunday, Zack invited OP, his friends, dad, sister, brother-in-law, and niece over to watch the game. At some point, everyone started to discuss vacations.
What Did OP Do
The OPs says, “I mentioned I was trying to convince him to go on a 2-day, local cruise with me as he’s never been on one. Zack reminded me he’s not the biggest fan of boats. I pointed out he’s never been on one, and we could rent one to take out so he could get used to it. He was somewhat on the fence. One of his buddies and I were trying to help him see it’s not so bad.”
At this, Elise jumped in and said, “If he doesn’t want to go, then I’m sure you can find something else to do.”
The OP reinstated that she was sure she could talk him into it, to which Elise asked why she would want to go if he really didn’t want to.
What Did OP Say
OP clarified that she doesn’t want to force him, but it’s something she wants him to think about. Elise repeated that Zack doesn’t like boats and that OP should respect that.
What Did She Say
At this, OP lost her cool and asked Elise to relax. She went ahead and mentioned that Elise is not his mother and she shouldn’t care this much about the situation. Elise was visibly upset, but the conversation changed, and the OP thought everything was good.
How The OP Reacted When Zack Shared His Feelings?
After some time, Zack asked the OP to help get something from his room and mentioned that she was out of line for how she spoke to Elise.
The OP clarified that Elise was the one that was getting up in their business. Zack explained that she kept pushing it, and he got really upset when she said that Elise and his dad didn’t push him enough to try new things.
What Did He Tell Her
Zack told her that she was disrespectful and needed to apologize to her sister, Elise. The OP laughed and said no. She went on to state that Elise is the one who needs to stop interfering. On this, Zack asked the OP to leave, and she did.
The OP says, “I really thought my friends would be on my side, but they said I crossed a line. AITA?”
According to most, she is in the wrong.
You Are A Jerk
“Your saying “I managed to break him out of his shell” says a lot here. It seems like you’re constantly pushing him to do things he wouldn’t necessarily do otherwise, and I think this is not healthy. What’s wrong with being shy and not wanting to do some things? Your way isn’t the only correct way.
And you did push him on this occasion too, and you were being disrespectful to his sister.”
Apologise
“You are a jerk op. You need to apologize pronto and stop trying to ‘convince’ him to do things he has stated he does not want to do.”
So Rude
“Worse, she said to his sister that raised him after his mother died that “You’re not his mother.” Bringing up her boyfriend’s dead mother was a bad thing to do. YTA.”
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