Picture yourself trying hard to support someone’s interest, only for them to get mad at you for not doing it enough!
An internet user asked, “Am I a jerk for returning a call from my estranged ex-mother-in-law?”. We need you to find out!
BACKSTORY
The Original Poster (OP) (46M) got a voicemail from an unknown person named Grace that sounded urgent. Grace knew OP’s name and address. OP returned the call.
“It was my ex-wife’s (Cass 41F) estranged mother, Grace. I’ve never met her or anyone on her side of the family”, says OP.
THROWBACK TO CASS’S TEENAGE
When Cass was a teen, she got caught sleeping with her boyfriend. Grace and stepdad went into overdrive. Cass’s next relationship was with a girl, and they kicked Cass out of the house. Her ex-boyfriend’s parents took Cass in, and she finished high school, went to college, graduated, and started a successful career.
CURRENT ARRANGEMENT
He (OP) and Cass divorced but have joint custody of their two children. OP has their children most of the time, but that’s mostly about her work schedule, and they work together to get their children as much time with her as practical.
THE PHONE CALL
OP is on the phone with Grace, and she’s talking fast. After some explaining, OP finally told her that Cass doesn’t live there anymore; they’re divorced.
“She proceeds to insult Cass and me for that but then realizes she’s asking me for a favor and gets off the drama box. I tell her that I won’t give her Cass’s number or address, but I would tell Cass that she called and if Cass wanted to call her back, she would”, says OP.
THE UNSOLICITED GIFT
Then Grace switches to the kids. She knows their names, but that’s it. She wants to meet them. OP told her he understood, but that would only happen if Cass agreed. She insulted OP and his manhood for letting a woman control him.
“I start winding down and saying I’ll convey the message, but it’s up to Cass if she wants to call,” says OP.
Before OP can hang up, Grace says she’s sending him a package and asks if he’ll give it to Cass. She adds that if Cass doesn’t accept it, OP must open it up and share it with “her grandbabies”. OP responds that there were no guarantees, and it would all be up to what Cass decides to do.
OP INFORMS CASS
He (OP) texted Cass and asked if she would stop by to talk about it in person. If nothing else, OP wanted her to hear the message.
“I pour her a glass of wine and tell her about the call,” says OP.
Cass was surprised that her mom had reached out. She assumed the talk would revolve around something negative concerning their children or OP moving out.
“We talked around and around the event with her, hoping to glean every bit of info that I might have left out,” says OP.
CASS FLIPPED OUT
Cass was annoyed at OP for taking the call, returning it, and agreeing to accept the package. She didn’t consider it a mistake, as a machine took the call, and OP didn’t realize he was calling her mom when he returned it.
Plus, he had not provided his address or permission to send a package. In her eyes, OP was the jerk, and she stormed off.
IS OP THE JERK?
OP texted Cass, asking if she was okay and telling her that OP hadn’t given Grace her contact details. He also added that he would ignore future calls and return the package when he got it and for her to let him know if she wanted him to do anything else.
“Apparently, I’m still the jerk,” says OP.
JUST RETURN THE PACKAGE
“Not the jerk. It would help if you had openly told Grace you were refusing the package, but other than that, you did everything right. So many people would’ve handed over your ex-wife’s details out of spite if they were in your position.
It’s unreasonable that your ex-wife expected you not to return the call, seeing as you did not know her mother. Do not hand over any aspect of that package. Just return it.”
YOU DID THE RIGHT THING
“Not the jerk. She’s your ex-wife; you can talk to whomever you want now. You did the right thing by not sharing Cass’ information or giving access to your children. In my book, you are the ex-husband of the year.”
WHAT ELSE COULD YOU DO?
“At every turn, you rebuffed Grace and reiterated that it was Cass’s decision to open contact, and you divulged nothing else about anyone’s information. What more, or less, could you have done?”
SHE’S TAKING HER ANGER OUT ON YOU
“No good deed goes unpunished. Ex-wife is taking her anger out on you for what her mother did to her. Tell ex-wife this is between her and her mom. Why is she allowing that woman to affect the decent co-parenting arrangement that you two have? Don’t discuss it anymore with her. If she brings it up, tell her to call Grace; you are out of it.”
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This article was originally published on Mrs Daaku Studio.