Is It okay to invite guests to your wedding ceremony and not host them for a reception post?
A netizen recently asked, “Am I a jerk for not having a wedding reception after my ceremony?”. Let us know what you think in the comments section!
BACKSTORY
So, for some background, the Original Poster (OP) (32F) and her future husband (34M) have had some bad luck with their previous marriages.
OP’s ex-husband (33M) tried to have a baby with her, going against their agreement to wait until she turned 30 (she was 26 then). Meanwhile, her fiancé’s ex-wife (24F) cheated on him.
HOW DID THEY MEET?
OP met her current partner in the courthouse parking lot where he was going to file for his divorce two years ago.
“These events happened within the first year of our respective marriages, which has led to an admittedly strange decision on our part for our upcoming wedding,” says OP.
WEDDING EXPENSES
Weddings are typically costly ventures. She (OP) and her ex-husband spent a lot of money on her first wedding (OP thought it would be her only wedding and her most special day, so they went all out), and OP’s fiance spent a fair chunk on his and shouldered a majority of the financial burden of it since his ex-wife didn’t make very much at the time.
THE STRANGE DECISION
OP and her fiance decided to cut out all the expenses of a reception for their wedding, have a lovely ceremony at a more low-key venue, and save the party for their anniversary.
“It will also give us more time to save for those expenses, and we’d both feel much better about having this celebration after we hit that one-year milestone,” says OP.
THE OPTIONS NEAR THE VENUE
The wedding ceremony is being held in a lovely church in the downtown area, so it’s viable for all or some of the guests to go to dinner or a bar afterward. Even if many don’t go as a group, guests have over a dozen options within walking distance.
WHEN THEY BROUGHT THIS UP
She (OP) and her fiance didn’t think this would be a big issue, but they got immediate pushback when they shared it at a family dinner (them, their siblings, and their parents). Thoughts and opinions range from being selfish to disrespectful to oxymoronic to choosing to have the wedding and not the reception.
They all think OP and her fiance need to have the reception, and OP’s mom is incredibly disappointed that she already didn’t have an engagement party, and OP’s fiance’s brothers are upset that they would not have a stag night.
WHAT DOES OP ASK?
OP and her fiance want a simple, lovely wedding, and that be that for now.
“I don’t understand why it’s such a bad idea. We’ve been getting calls and texts as the word spreads to various family members, all of whom are mad or disappointed regarding our decision. Are we being jerks?” asks OP.
SOME MORE CONTEXT
She (OP) later edited the post and added the following information:
“The ceremony is only for close family and, potentially, close friends. We’ve agreed to each invite a maximum of 20 people.”
YOU CERTAINLY WILL BE THE JERK
“You will be the jerk. The reception, traditionally, is for you to ‘receive’ the guests you invited to your ceremony. They’re taking time out of their lives to witness it, so you thank them by giving them some food and drinks. It doesn’t have to be elaborate.”
JUST ELOPE AND CALL IT GOOD
“Not the jerk. At this point, you should elope and call it good. This is about the two of you and your relationship. Part of the issue with modern wedding culture is this idea that you must please everyone else.
Get married at the courthouse where you met. Find an officiant online and do an intimate ceremony somewhere local that is meaningful to you (they will even bring witnesses for you), or take a little vacation and do it there. You don’t owe anyone anything.”
IT HAS TO BE YOUR CALL
“Not the jerk. The wedding is yours so therefore it is your decision. Do not let anyone bully you into spending money on something they want. You’re not being selfish. They are.”
A MEAL IS THE BARE MINIMUM
“Realistically, you’re the jerk. People expect a meal to commemorate the wedding, and as the hosts, it’s your responsibility to provide that. If you’re not going to, you need to be very explicit that you are inviting people to witness the ceremony only.”
THAT’S INCREDIBLY RUDE
“You will be the jerk. The reception is to thank people for attending your event (the ceremony). Inviting people to an event and sending them home would be rude, especially without food or drinks. Serve water, I don’t care, but it’s inhospitable to ask them to come to an event for you and be like, ‘Cool, thanks, you can go now.’”
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This article was originally published on Mrs Daaku Studio.