Of course not! In a relationship, it is not okay or “normal” for one partner to have control over the other partner’s eating habits. A netizen recently asked, “Am I a jerk for taking my Fiancè’s dinner after he touched mine?”. We need to hear your thoughts on the matter.
Backstory
The Original Poster’s (OP’s) (f26) fiancé (m32) is blind. They don’t disagree a lot except, he always gets bothered whenever OP eats different food from what he’s eating when they go out.
Like, if they’re having dinner out and OP orders something else, he’d instantly get upset and accuse OP of treating him as less than when she just has a different taste in foods.
What Does OP Say
“I’d just eat what he eats to keep the peace (I eat out alone as an alternative) but since he clearly doesn’t trust me, he’d randomly touch my plate to see if I’m having the same dish. This caused huge arguments between us and I told him to stop doing it and he said he would.”, says OP.
What Happened The Night Ago?
They went out to eat the night ago, and OP ordered the same dish he ordered. When the food arrived, he looked somewhat uncomfortable.
OP asked what was wrong and he refused to say, and before OP could even grab the fork, he extended his arm and his hand touched the food on her plate. He moved quickly and started excusing what he did saying he “Just wanted to make sure…” but OP lost it on him.
All Hell Broke Loose
OP felt so grossed out that she could not eat the food after he touched it. He tried to get OP to drop it saying she shouldn’t be grossed out by his hand, that she overreacted, etc… but OP grabbed his plate and told him that she was taking it.
He at first asked OP to be “rational” and give the plate back but she refused. An argument ensued, and they fought.
What Did OP’s Fiancé Do Next?
OP’s fiancé then ended up leaving and started spam texting OP, accusing her of being bitter, pathetic, childish, and robbing his dinner.
He went to stay with his friend, who picked him up, and his friend sided with him, saying OP was in the wrong. She even went as far as to say that OP was abusing her fiancé and financially controlling him when she pointed out that she was the one who paid for the food.
The Problem Right Now
The problem is magnified now with him wanting an apology and OP refusing to give him one. OP’s parents think she should have more patience and that this is just typical “love spats” between them, but OP is not sure.
“Was I the jerk with how I handled this?”, asks OP.
Why Do You Put Up With All This?
“Not the jerk. I’m sure this isn’t the only way he tries to exercise control over you.
Why do you put up with this? Do you realize how incredibly disrespectful (forget bizarre, controlling, unsanitary, selfish, etc) it is for him to touch your food to *ensure* you’re eating the same food as him? I can’t believe you allow that.
To give you some perspective, this is a perfect example of the escalation of controlling behaviors.
He started touching your food because you allowed him to control and dictate what you’re supposed to eat. If you had put your foot down, to begin with, and refused to comply with his ridiculous demand that you eat the exact same thing as him, it wouldn’t have gotten to the point of him sticking his hands in your food.
So what’s next? How else is he going to try to control you? It’s only going to go further downhill from here. Oh wait, it already did because he’s manipulating you by telling other people you’re abusive and controlling for not letting him control what you eat. Please leave this idiot before things get infinitely worse.”
Just Run Away From Him!
“Not the jerk. What the hell did I just read?! He throws a strop if you don’t order exactly the same meal as him and if you do he touches your food? This man is deranged. Run far. Run fast.”
He Is Controlling, Immature, And Ridiculous
“Not the jerk. Ok look his behavior is unacceptable on so very many levels. Why can’t you just get what you want? How on earth does he think you’re getting something else? He’s not deaf too, is he? Why doesn’t he trust you?
Honey, you are living in a sea of red flags. I don’t care that your fiancé is blind – he is controlling, immature, and frankly ridiculous. You can do better.”
Why On Earth Do You Have To Eat The Same Meal?
“Not the jerk. He is super controlling. Why on earth do you have to eat the same meal as him when you’re going out? He said he would stop touching your food and he lied.”
This Is A Massive Red Flag
“This has absolutely nothing to do with who touched who’s food. But it’s everything to do with the fact you’re with a man so controlling of you that he dictates what you eat!!
This is a massive red flag… Does he control other areas of your life as well like this?”
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