A poorly planned, irresponsible decision is always a bad idea, be it choosing a partner or going forward with a pregnancy.
An internet user asked, “Am I a jerk for cutting my pregnant sister off financially and telling her having another baby would be irresponsible of her?”. We need you to find out.
Backstory
The Original Poster, OP is 22 and her sister is 25. OP’s sister, Mia’s son is 7 months old and the father is not in her baby’s life at all. He basically disappeared the week after the baby was born.
“I’ve been supporting the both of them financially while my sister Mia gets back on her feet and looks for a job to pay the bills all on her own.”, says OP.
Fast Forward To Two Days Ago
Fast forward to two days ago, OP’s sister calls OP excitedly, telling her she has big news. Deep down in OP’s heart, she already knew what she was about to say and OP’s intuition was confirmed when she said she was pregnant again.
“She went on and on about how she met a new guy she hadn’t told me about and how nice he treats her and the baby and that she really feels like he’s the one and how she can’t wait for the family she was supposed to have.”, says OP.
OP’s Straightforward Remark
OP basically laid it out straight to her sister that – she hasn’t been dating this guy for very long, and yet she’s already pregnant and wants to marry him simply because he treats her and the baby “nicely”.
He isn’t helping with bills, or providing in any way. This was not likely to last and she’ll be a single mom of 2. Not to mention how dangerous it is to get pregnant this soon after giving birth.
Sister’s Delusional Response
OP’s sister told OP she was being “fake” that she wasn’t acting like family that OP should support her like their mother is. Turns out, their mother is fawning over her and only enforcing the rose-colored glasses Mia has on the situation.
“Telling her stories of how our stepdad only knew her for two months before he married her and blah blah.”, says OP.
What Did OP Tell Her?
OP told Mia that she (OP) can’t support her or any other children should she (Mia) decide to go through with this. OP essentially said “I’m not pressuring you into anything. This is your choice, but I refuse to finance this choice.
You’re on your own Mia. I can’t enable you to dig yourself further in holes you can’t climb out of because of irresponsible, unplanned pregnancies and I refuse to.”
OP’s Sister’s Reaction
Of course, Mia didn’t take that well. Started crying and saying how OP just doesn’t want her to be happy, and how much of a jerk she is and hung up.
“Our mother isn’t very happy with me now. I do feel bad. I don’t think I worded it the best, nor should I have called her irresponsible. I’m just at my breaking point. Am I a jerk?”, asks OP.
She’s Not Entitled To Your Financial Support
“Not the jerk, you could have worded it better, but you’re on the money, it’s an irresponsible decision and she should know better. She’s not entitled to your financial support and you have the right to cut that off.
Also, it makes me laugh that she calls you fake because you’re the only one being real with her.”
You Did The Right Thing
“Not the jerk. You have no obligation to support other people’s kids. You’re a good family for helping her with the one kid she has but bringing another kid into it when she can’t even support the first one is irresponsible. She hasn’t known this guy long enough and only time will tell if he will stick around for the baby.
You’re 22. You have your own life to live and grow into. You’re a good sister for supporting her and baby 1 but she is living in another universe if she thinks a second child is responsible or okay. Babies only bring more stress, they don’t fix anything.
You did the right thing. No pressure, it’s her choice, but you can’t afford it financially or psychologically.”
She’s Not Living In Reality
“Not the jerk. She’s not living in reality. Why on earth did she think that her starting a family with someone else would mean you would continue to financially support her?
Does she think you should pay for *another* child? Does she think her new boyfriend will pay for one kid, and you’ll pay for her and the other one?
She’s making stupid decisions because she’s caught up in the ‘romance’ of it. Better to pull the rug out now, before she gets fully used to the idea of you completely supporting her. Stop before it even starts for the new kid. She’s a grown adult with more than one child now, she should be able to take care of herself if she can have another child.”
Why Are You Parenting Your Older Sister?
“Not the jerk. Your mother and sister are delusional. I had a very hard time distinguishing the line between helping and enabling until I was nearly 40.
Your sister will never become an adult without facing her own consequences. Don’t let her and your mother drag you down with them. At 22, you should be building the foundation of your own life, not parenting your older sister.”
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