Calling a 20-year-old adult a ‘child’ just because she’s autistic is certainly the most childish behavior we’ve ever encountered!
An internet user asked, “Am I a jerk for not wanting my autistic cousin at my child-free wedding?”. We need to hear your thoughts on the matter.
Backstory
Next spring, the Original Poster (OP) is getting married to the love of her life. They have decided that they don’t want children at their wedding.
“Not many of our friends and family have young children, and the ones that do are fine with getting a sitter for the weekend since we gave them a lot of notice.”, says OP.
The Autistic Cousin
The only ones to put up a fight are OP’s aunt and uncle who have a daughter with autism. She is 20 but will be 21 by the time OP’s wedding day comes around.
“She is what they call ‘high-functioning’, which means she can talk and wash/dress herself, and she has some friends. She graduated from high school a couple of years ago and is currently living with her parents (my aunt and uncle) while working at a grocery store.”, says OP.
OP’s Decision
Despite her being technically an adult, OP just doesn’t see her as such. Every time OP talks to her at a family gathering, OP feels it’s like talking to a child.
She is obsessed with toy ponies and Barbie dolls and brings them up at every opportunity. She draws in her notebook constantly and never makes eye contact when talking to me.
“She does not have loud meltdowns like other special needs kids I’ve met before, but I really don’t want to risk her ruining my special day.”, says OP.
How Did Her Uncle And Aunt React?
OP told her aunt and uncle that she didn’t want her there and they became very upset. They said she already saw the invite and knew it was child-free but because she is an “adult”, she thought she was still included.
OP’s aunt tried to guilt OP by saying she’d already picked out a dress and a gift but OP didn’t want to hear it.
What Does OP Say?
“My fiancé says I’m being a jerk and we should let her attend because she has attended other weddings before with no issue.
Everyone is making me feel horrible for not treating her like an adult when she doesn’t act like one. Am I a jerk?”, asks OP.
You’re The Jerk
“You’re the jerk. Your cousin will quietly mind her business and talk to her family members. It’s going to be hard having a child-free wedding with your behavior, though.”
You’ve Got No Valid Reason To Not Invite Her
“You’re the jerk. You have posted NO RATIONALE for not wanting her except that she has autism which makes you the jerk. The idea of no child wedding is for behavior issues, and at times to reduce the number of guests.
Your own post shows she has no issue with behavior and no mention that you are looking to save money. You try to make yourself look like the non-jerk by saying she does not act like an adult, but your only evidence is she likes drawing in her notebook, and she doesn’t make eye contact with you.
The only risk of ruining your special day would be the guests finding out how cold you are and how unloving it is of you to not invite an adult family member with a disability. You definitely are coming across as a bride/groom Zilla.”
What’s Your Problem?
“Low support needing autistic here, and I got to say, I would be crushed to find out my cousin held me and my interests in such contempt. She doesn’t make scenes, so what’s the problem?
Also, putting ‘adult’ in the quotation just shows further that you see people with different interests that fall under the autism umbrella as children. Just say you’re ableist and be done with it.”
You’re WAY Too Childish
“You’re the jerk and a nasty piece of work. You’re too childish, and like childish things like being mean, petty, and vindictive so you’re not adult enough to marry.
Listen To Your Fiance
“You’re the jerk. Your fiancé already told you that you’re being a jerk and you don’t seem particularly qualified to determine whether others are or are not adults. In your version of the story you sound ableist and childish.”
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